Trust Issues

Trust Issues (Chapter 24)

My thighs involuntarily clenched together as he kissed my neck and ran his hand up and down my body. "Relax baby, it's just me Noonie." He whispered in my ear. "Daddy Rome, got you."

I listened to the sound of his soothing voice and tried to relax. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. The instant I closed my eyes, my Uncle Charles' face haunted me. My eyes popped open and I began to get choked up. My heart was racing and I felt like I was about to have a panic attack.

"J-Jerome." I stuttered as I tried to keep myself from falling apart in front of him. He looked at me and his face softened instantly. He sat me up and took his shirt off and slipped it over my body. "I'm sorry I-I just. I need some air."

I got out of the bed and slipped on my black and white Nike slides. I left my room and went down to the end of the hall. I opened the door that led out to the balcony and patio area. I closed the door behind me and let out a shaky breath as I leaned over the railing.

This is exactly what my dumb ass gets for trying to seduce my way out of Jerome getting on to me about getting a second job. I thought of a happy place and hummed to myself as I inhaled and exhaled. After a few moments, I had calmed down a little.

I heard the door open and close behind me. I was scared to turn and to face Jerome, I was embarrassed as hell. What twenty year old woman isn't capable of having sex with their boyfriend without having a panic attack? None that I know of. I know Jerome is a grown ass man with sexual needs and I feel less of a woman because I'm not able to fulfill his needs.

"Come here." He told me as he sat down on one of the patio chairs. He patted his lap and I sighed as I looked at him.

"Jerome I'm sorry." I blurted out as I felt myself getting emotional. My vision blurred as tears filled my eyes. I felt him grab my hand and pull me in his direction.

"Ssssh. Don't apologize baby." He told me as he pulled me into his lap and hugged me. He held me tightly in his strong arms and I rested my head against his chest, letting his slow and steady heartbeat calm me down. "No, don't cry. You know I hate seeing you cry." He said as he used his fingers to wipe my tears.

"I'm sorry." I apologized again.

"What you apologizing for?" He asked me as he brushed my hair out of my face and stroked my cheek gently with his thumb.

"Because I can't have sex with you yet." I mumbled lowly. I kept my eyes on my feet as I played with my fingers, waiting for his response.

"Wait, what?" He chuckled.

"I just feel bad because I know you're a guy and you're used to sex. It's natural. You're in college, you're an athlete, and you're so sexy. I feel like you deserve somebody better than me Jerome. Somebody that can give you what you need." I explained. When he didn't respond, I looked up at him to see that he was mugging the hell out of me.

"Don't you ever let no dumb shit like that come out of your mouth ever again. You hear me?" He demanded as he narrowed his eyes at me. I nodded my head and he sighed. "If I was with you because I just wanted sex from you, then I would've been left you Noonie. I'm with you cause I want you. I know you're not ready for sex and I'm okay with that. Sex ain't everything Noonie, I'm willing to wait because you mean that much to me and you're worth it. It don't get no better than you baby girl, period."