What if

Chapter 81

Tim's pov
Angela nods at me as she leaves the room with Chris following behind her. I immediately look at Lucy, who's sat on the sofa, her legs crossed, her hands fidgeting under her sleeves, her eyes glossy, the sparkle in her eyes is nowhere to be seen, her skin looking pale, her breathing is quicker than normal. 
I know this is my only chance and I have no idea how long Angela will be able to keep Chris occupied for. I feel sick.
She glances at me before looking down at the floor.

"Lucy?" I say softly, looking at her.
"Mhm" she mutters still remaining looking at the floor, her hands fidgeting more.
"Are you okay?" I ask her nervously.

Lucy's pov
I don't know if I'm okay, I don't know how I feel about anything anymore. Chris is going to be so mad that I'm here with Tim alone, I want to ask Tim what Chris had said to him but I can't.
He wouldn't hurt Angela would he? 
Fuck.
"I'm fine" I say quietly. My heart is racing, I need this all to stop. I'm so tired.
"Lucy I need you to be honest with me about something"
Fuck.
I can't breathe, I can't do this.
No.
My leg starts shaking, bouncing up and down.
Come on Lucy.
"Woah Lucy hey.. breathe..deep breaths" Tim says softly as he comes to sit down next to me. I shake my head and I move myself further away, almost pressing against the edge of the sofa. As much as I want him to just pull me in and hug me, keeping me safe, I have to keep him safe. I have to protect him. 
"Tim..I'm fine" I mutter.
I hate this.
"Pass me your hand Lucy" he says softly as he reaches his hand out towards mine.
I shake my head again.
"I need you to do this for me" he says softly.
I shake my head again, biting my lip.
"Look at me"
I turn my head slowly and I look at him, his piercing blue eyes staring straight at me. Don't cry.
Lucy.

Tim's pov
She slowly turns her head towards me, she looks straight at me and I can see her big brown eyes looking at me. They're dull, they look almost lost. Her eyes are almost hazy, they're glossy.
Something's going on with her, she's never acted like this before. Why did she move away from me? Why was she so hesitant to look down? Why is she so fidgety? It doesn't make sense.

"You're safe Lucy, I promise you. Please pass me your hand" I say gently looking at her as I reach my hand out for hers. I can see her processing something, almost like she's in deep thoughts about something. Her breathing is still becoming faster.
"Why?" She finally says.
"I need you to"
"Tim..why?" She asks again.
"Because Lucy I'm worried about you, I want to make sure you haven't hurt yourself again" I say nervously.
She swallows deeply, "Why can't you just ask me that?"
"Lucy because I need to be sure you haven't hurt yourself again."
"So you don't trust me?" She says almost defensively. "And please stop saying my name every two seconds."
"Hey..of course I trust you, I care about you and I just wanted to make sure. I also wanted to check on the ones you did at the station lu...sorry"

Lucy's pov
I can't let him look, I mean he's not wrong I have done it since. But then he will see how the marks were made, from the cable ties, and he will ask questions.
Why didn't you tell me?
Why didn't you reach out?
Why the way I did?
And all the other questions he would ask me.
At that point Chris will have either lost his temper or stormed back in. I don't know what to do.
I'm fucking pregnant. Again.
He seems calmer, and I mean he knows this baby is his, even though Jayden was his.

"They're fine, okay?" I finally say.
"Okay okay, have you done it since? Be honest with me, I won't be mad"
Breathe.
"Yeah..once okay? But that was it, it was stupid and I haven't done it since."
I can't lie to him. I physically can't lie to him.
I see the way his face drops, the way his body sinks down. He teaches his arms out towards me to pull me in for a hug.
I want nothing more than for him to pull me in, but I can't.
I have to be strong. I have to do this.
I shake my head.
He opens his mouth and I know he is trying to find the right words to say.
"Hey you don't need to say anything. It's fine okay? I'm fine, look you should get going now."
"Why didn't you reach out to me? I told you that I'm here for you"
"I don't know why I didn't and I know you are. I know"
"Talk to me, why did you do it?"
"I.." I can't tell him, I mean there was a hundred reasons why I did it, but I can't hurt him. "Look it doesn't matter now, but I'm fine. You should get going"
"It does matter, let me be there for you"
"Just go, okay?"
He nods his head and he stands up, he turns and looks at me.

Tim's pov
I look back at her, it's like looking at a shell of her. I knew she had done it again, I knew. All this time, I had this feeling. This gut feeling that something was off, I should have tried harder to talk to her.
Why didn't she reach out to me? I thought we was close, i thought she felt like she could tell me.
How did she do it? How bad is it? Where is it? Is she cleaning it? Why did she do it? Does Chris know? Should I tell someone?

"Can I ask you one last thing?" I finally say to her.
She takes a deep breath in and out, she nods reluctantly.
I feel my heart racing, my breathing becoming more hitched.
"Is it because of Chris? Has he caused you to feel that way?" I ask her nervously.