What if

Chapter 38

Lucy's pov
I can't move, everything hurts, I feel weak. I have to be strong. I need to do this for my baby.
'Little one I promise mummy will get us out of this, I just need you to stay' i whisper gently holding my stomach.
'Don't leave me, I promise mummy will get us out of this today'
Breathe.
'I'm sorry for failing you baby, I thought he would change. I didn't think he would hurt you'
'I'm suppose to protect you'
'You're suppose to be safe inside me'
'Don't leave me'
I feel the tears streaming down my face, the blood running from my nose. I'm so tired, this headache is agony.
'Give me a sign you're okay'
Breathe.
Nothing. There's nothing. No pain has to be a good sign. I need to go to the hospital, I can't loose this baby. This baby was my strength. I said if I got to 36 weeks and he hadn't fully changed I was gone. I never thought he'd do this. Never.
This baby has to stay, I'll go to the hospital then I'll go to work and I'll tell.. I guess I'll tell Tim. He will probably hate me..
I'm so stupid.

The door slams open he walks towards me.
"Get in the shower, clean your self up babe, you've got work soon" he says firmly.
He turns the shower on, turning back to me.
He reaches his hand out and pulls me up. He lifts my top off and my underwear. I just stand there completely naked staring at him.
"Get in, sort yourself out babe" he says he walks out of the bathroom, i step into the shower shakily. The water makes everything sting.
I quickly get clean, I know I need to be quick. The quicker I get out, the quicker I can get to the hospital and see if the baby is okay.
'I need you, I can't fight this without you'
'You're my strength to do this'
'I'm doing this as i care about you'
'I don't care about me, I need you please'
I keep stroking my bump and then Chris walks back in handing me my work clothes and makeup.
I get this twinge in my stomach.
Ow fuck.
'Please'
I need to ask him.
I turn and look at him, he looks straight at me.
"Can.." I say quietly and nervously. I still feel weak. My body's still shaking. I'm tired.
"No Lucy, you're going to work." He says firmly.
"But there's something wrong with the baby"
"It's not mine"
"But it is, I swear. I said I'd get a dna test done. Please I'm begging you" I say as a tear rolls down my face. I've never begged, I've never stood up like this but I know I have to.
"Are you stupid! If you go to the hospital now how are you going to explain it? You need to go to work, go on that first call, then you go to the hospital got it?" He says as he walks out slamming the door once again.
Glancing at the mirror,  I see all the new marks, they'd been bad before but I don't even know if I can cover all of these. I don't even care at this point, I need to go to the hospital now.
I quickly throw my clothes on, and go to open the bathroom door and as I do he's stood there staring at me. I step back, he keeps stepping towards me remaining eye contact the whole time.
"Don't be stupid. Put your makeup on" he says firmly as he closes the bathroom door, this time staying in the bathroom.

I start doing my makeup but I get another twinge in my stomach, my face tenses up, i squint my eyes from the pain.
'Please'
I notice that Chris looks at me. "You aren't lying are you?" He says in a soft tone.
I just shake my head no, looking at him helplessly.
"I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to"
I don't reply. I want to reply but at this point I'm genuinely so angry at him, but I can't risk him kicking my stomach again.
"Lucy?"
I look up at him.
"The baby will be okay, let's get you to work and then we can talk tonight. I'll go to therapy after work."
"What if.."
"No Lucy, the baby is fine. You'd be bleeding if the baby wasn't fine. I want a DNA test the minute the baby is born"
"I said you could have that, I don't know why you didn't talk to me about it"
"Why was you talking about baby names with him, yet you haven't with me and it's supposedly my baby. Explain that?"
"He brought it up..they was just baby names I had from when I was growing up.. I didn't talk about baby names with you... I don't know.. I hadn't thought about it myself yet.."
Another twinge. Ow.
He doesn't say anything other than walking towards me, he places my hand on my stomach and his on top of mine.
"We are a family right?"
I nod.
"Can I trust you to go to work on your own?"
"Please can I go to the hospital on the way? I'll go to work afterward and I swear I won't say a word, you can come to the hospital with me. They can check the dates"
"No, you're being paranoid. Look at last time!"
"I'm not. This is different. Chris you know it is. These are twinges and they hurt especially after what's just happened. Please"
"No Lucy. Clearly I can't trust you go to work let alone drive there." He snaps at me.
"I'll do what you said.. I'll go to work.. I'll do the first call then I'll go.." I plead.
"No"
"I have to go to work. It's going to look bad if I don't go in"
"How will it? It's one day!"
"I'm a rookie remember for 26 more days, I can't have any sick days."
"Then you'll loose your job. It's not the end of the world Lucy. You aren't even strong enough to be an officer. You've proved that every time I've tested you in the bedroom getting you get off me, and then just now. Gives you time to practise and learn how to be a decent girlfriend and a decent mum to the baby won't it"
Another twinge. Oww.
"What if you drive me to work?"
"What? So you can walk back out?"
"Walk me in, I won't have my car so I can't go anywhere. I don't drive the shop remember.. you can walk to me to the lockers or rollcall. Please I've nearly finished my rookie year."