Hyunlix oneshots

Angel part 4

Hyunjin's POV :

'What is this feeling, what am I supposed to call it? Am I in love but how. I've never been in love. I've fucked many but none mattered. How can a man like me who has fucked up morals can love. No, this is not happening.'

I deep into my thoughts when Jeongin interrupted. "Hyung, are you here, I just wanted to inform you that-"

"Innie, I need your help." I knew I was in love but I don't want to get hopes on myself. It could ruin my life as well as the little boy who already suffered so much.

"What is it?" He sat near the edge of the bed next to me.

"How do you know you're in love, like what are the symptoms or signs for it.?"

"Oh so you're in love." He said making me confused

"How?"

"Your Questioning whether you're in love Or not says everything. I know it's Lix." His last statement made me widen my eyes and look at him.

"When I was wondering if I was in love with Seungmin or I just had a puppy crush, you were the one who made me realise it. You said that Seungmin treats me a bit more special, looks at me in a different way that friends don't do. The problem is we are always able to notice when it is the case with someone else. But we are not ready to believe that we are loved or we love someone."

"Innie, that's different but you know me right? To cope with the pain of death of our parents I fucked Countless times with different people, never cared about their feelings once, never cared if they wanted more from me, like more than strangers with benefits. I always wanted sex and nothing else." I said breathlessly. I feel bad sometimes for using sex as a coping mechanism but I couldn't help it. I was a coward to hurt myself, cowardly enough to not drown myself in alcohol because I had to take care of Jeongin. The only thing left was hurting others.

"Then do you want only sex with Lix?"

"What the fuck no, I just- I just want to take care of him, seeing him hurt makes me want to bury the world. Makes me want to burn the world. Make the people suffer a lifetime if they hurt him. I love his smile, his giggles, his brownish hazel eyes, his heart shaped lips, his cute nose that scrunches up when he is confused. I love to ruffle his soft and fluffy hair. I love to hold his small hands in my big ones. I just want to see him smile and make him happy." I didn't even realise that I said all of this. Maybe this was the answer to all my questions.

"You got the answer yourself."

"But what if he rejects me?" The fear of rejection never once bothered me with others and my past relationships but Felix, he was an exception to all of my rules that I've made.

"Look hyung, if you don't confess you'll never know, you'll never know what he feels for you unless he is courageous enough to say it out loud. You never know what you both hold for each other if none of you speak. Most beautiful futures are destroyed because both chose not to speak. And if he feels the same way then it's really good but if he doesn't and rejects you then that's the only way to move on. At a point you'll stop growing feelings and it will bury inside your heart. I don't want to give you false hopes, but I feel like he feels the same." His last statement made me crack up a small smile.

"Really?"

"Maybe, if enemies can end up being lovers then how of a deal it is with friends."

"I don't think Lix is the type of person to confront first. But both of them can't be cowardly so you need to take the courage and express all of it. His birthday is coming up, then doing something and making it his best birthday."