Incinerate Me

33| Roxine

They lied to me. Nothing meant anything to me. Violet had tried her best. But it was never the same after her again. I felt empty, hopeless.

I had tried to live.

I had tried to be happy.

I had tried to move on.

It wasn't working for me. On days I didn't feel like it, I tried to drown. On days I didn't want to wake up, Violet showered me love.

But how cruel was I for.what I was about to do. It was wrong. It wasn't right to go down that path but I couldn't do it. I couldn't stop the voices from shouting, screaming, wailing at me every time.

Today was my birthday. I dressed up as usual and stumbled downstairs with the biggest smile. I stopped drinking, I was clean for the longest time now and to them everything was okay.

Especially Violet. She had become son comfortable it hurt watching her. I had grown to love her in my way. A way that wasn't a romantic one. I had grown to respect.and adore her in a way that gladden my heart.

I never thought I'd be capable of doing that.

She was pacing back.and forth, going to and fro. She was assisting the organizers. She was helping the caterers. She was even cleaning the windows at a point. The whole place felt so warm.

" Roxine!" She squealed when she noticed me. She rushed towards me and hung her stained hands loosely around my neck.

" Happy birthday my dearest friend." She kissed my cheek. I returned the gesture which surprised her.

" Whoa, I almost got.a heart attack." She joked.

I rolled.my eyes. I wanted to make the best of today, at least.

" Stop being a drama queen." I turned towards the kitchen. The cake was almost ready.
  I stuck my finger into the cake and tasted it. It exploded on my tongue the flavors bursting.

Violet was looking at me like I was an alien, " What's wrong?"

I was beginning to shiver. I shrugged stiffly.

" Nothing, I'm fine."

She nodded unconvinced but the chef interrupted at the right time.

" Just shower and put on something cute for the occasion. " She smiled widely as she strut off into one of many rooms in my mansion.

I had to see her.

She was returning today.

I knew because I had someone look her up each time. Call me a creep but I had photographs of every place she had been with Ferrell.

I was happy she was doing better.

She deserved it.

Every smile from her, was a stab to my conscience. How could I ruin something so ethereal.

I was lucky to go out without being noticed. Violet wouldn't have let me get out the house on such a special occasion.

I couldn't go without telling her goodbye.

The drive to her apartment was longer. I took my time to reflect on all our memories.

I sighed and parked outside. I slipped on the nose mask and and sunglasses and walked into the building. Apparently Ferrell had me blocked after the last time I came around. I was mad at him. He was just protecting her from me.

The elevator to their floor was relatively shorter. I guess even the earth was done with me.

I gazed at the envelope in my hand. I walked up to her door and gently knocked. She wasn't going to recognize me.

I waited with my heart in my throat.

What if Ferrell opened the door?.

I'll have to.just hand it over to him and leave without seeing her.

That would be enough punishment.

When the door creaked open, I almost doubled over. The pictures did harm to how perfect she looked. Her curls were pretty and did justice to her beauty.

I wanted to caress her cheek. I wanted to touch her for the last time.

She narrowed her eyes at me. I looked creepy enough. I cleared my throat and did the most irrational thing. I hugged her tightly and dropped the envelop.

I hurried off , taking off my glasses and wiping my tears.

I was done being a monster.