𝐷𝑒́𝑝𝑎𝑦𝑠𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡「LCF x MDZS」

Chapter 106 - 『To You Who Believed In Me』

Xue Yang could feel his hand twitching at the mention of Jiang Yanli.

"But she...uhm...passed away." Xiao Xingchen tells her, and A-Qing simply smiles in melancholy.

"I know."

...Oh.

"...Do be respectful if you want to meet him. He is still mourning."

Xiao Xingchen couldn't help but look at Xue Yang, as if he was asking if it's alright.

A-Qing simply huffs before speaking the words she would soon regret.

"And you? You're not mourning?"

Perhaps it was because she thought they have grown closer and forgot her boundary.

The air around them became cold and tense, Xiao Xingchen turning to look at the girl and reprimand her, "A-Qing!"

She looked surprised before realizing that she had gone too far, "I'm sorㅡ"

"How would I know?" Xue Yang cuts her off before continuing, "I'm not exactly alive, aren't I?"

How could Xue Yang know what grief is? He is already dead before he had the chance to remember that feeling.

Now, his chest constricts, his hands twitching as if he wants to hit something.

Xue Yang remembers this emotion. It was anger.

The moment he looks at them, he could see how his words became awkward.

"I'll sleep outside." He announces before trudging away.

"Xue Yang! There's enough bed for usㅡ"

In Xiao Xingchen's surprise, Xue Yang scowled at him.

"I do not need something that can no longer provide me with warmth like it used to."

Hell, even sleeping in a dumpster should be fine for him.

Xue Yang knew it was childish of him, but he couldn't care less. All he wanted is to get out of the current situation right then and there.

Yet Xue Yang also knew he couldn't wander too far away, so he plops on the rooftop before sighing to himself.

He wants to go home.

He wants to go back to the place that reminds him of what he was.

"Hey."

Xue Yang couldn't help but grit his teeth to show his annoyance. He then looks at the girl.

"What do you want?"

In fact, how did she even climb here?

A-Qing didn't speak, she just crawled next to Xue Yang and also sat down.

"Look, if you don't have anything to sayㅡ"

"I'm sorry."

Xue Yang became silent at that before turning his head away.

"For what? What you said wasn't really wrong."

Xue Yang believed it was the truth. He believed he wasn't mourning for the deaths of those he held dear.

This is why he doesn't know what to do in Wei Xun's presence. He doesn't know if he should contort his face to be similar to a sad one, nor he didn't know how to say words of comfort to the redhead.

That's just how it was.

"That's not true!"

Xue Yang looks at her, his eyebrow raised.

This made A-Qing continue her words.

"If you weren't in grief, then your hands shouldn't have flinched like you wanted to punch something. That was anger, anger in my words because you know that deep in your mind, you are mourning. Yet I've said those words as if it were nothing."

Xue Yang didn't have the time to speak since A-Qing didn't let him.

"And I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for crossing the line."

How long has it been since someone apologized to him?

For as long as he can remember, no one apologized for killing him, no one apologized for blaming him on something he didn't do, no one apologized for hurting him and scarring him for life.

Yet here she is, apologizing for mere words she didn't meant to say.

"...I accept you apology. But there really is no need for it."

Xue Yang musters up a smile, and A-Qing looks at him with a sad face.

"And it's impossible for me to be angry. As I have said, I'm already dead. I'm incapable of feeling the emotions I knew when I was alive, and even eating the food I love has become a chore for me. And even if my bones break and my skin were torn apart, I won't feel any pain."

Yet she seemed to think otherwise.

"Well, you may be incapable of feeling, but you can still vividly remember it, don't you? And your muscles react to what you should be feeling."

He wonders where is this talk going to.

"Well aren't you such a firm believer."

She looks at him with determined eyes before speaking what was on her mind, which greatly surprised Xue Yang.

"I've heard your adventures since I also grew up as a beggar in this place. When you were taken in by Yunmeng Jiang, I was glad for you. When you fought alongside with the people you hold dear and faced the horrors of war, I cheered for you. When the news of you becoming a fierce corpse were first heard, I mourned for you. And when you survived in the Siege, I wanted to say these words to you."

She looks at him like she was glad.

"I know words alone wouldn't be sufficient but," She heaves a deep breath before she continued her words, "Good job."

They were silent for a long while. Seconds, minutes, they don't exactly know.

Xue Yang was the first to break the silence between them.

"Wow, I didn't know you were capable of giving a speech like that."

He made sure that his tone was a humorous one, and A-Qing's cheeks dyed red before she punched Xue Yang's shoulders.

"Oh shut up! Learn how to take a compliment for once, will you? And do tell me, you would start crying if your tear ducts were still working won't you?!"

Xue Yang looks at her, knowing that what she spoke was right.

"Who knows? Maybe I will in another life."

He could see how the girl discreetly wipes a tear from her eyes, making Xue Yang smile.

"Jeez, I won't say those words ever again. It's so cringe now that I realized."

Xue Yang audibly huffs to annoy the girl, "Well, I'm glad that you know that."

A-Qing clicks her tongue in annoyance, "I'm leaving. Daozhang said that you'll be going back to Yunmeng tomorrow."

Finally.

"And I will join! So is Song-gongzi!"

Whatㅡ

"Why would he comeㅡ"

"Good night, idiot!"

The next moment, A-Qing was nowhere to be found. Maybe she want back to her bed, who knows.

Xue Yang sighs before he looks at the moon that were hung in the sky, accompanied by the tapestry of stars around it.

"...Good night."