Commander's Redemption | Clexa

Chapter 27

It stays silent for a while and Lexa is about to open her mouth again to add something, anything else to fill the silence when Clarke finally looks up again, her eyes wet with unshed tears, her bottom lip trembling before she pulls it in between her teeth.

"Lexa..." Clarke starts, her voice unsteady, "I don't... I can't... I do love you too, but I have nothing left to give you. I've got nothing..." Clarke's voice breaks and she looks away again.

Quickly, Lexa gets closer to Clarke until their knees of their crossed legs are touching before gently tugging on the blonde's arms, urging her to lift herself up until she is somehow in the brunette's lap. The Commander can now tightly wrap her arms around the blonde while the latter rests her head on the brunette's shoulder.

"I didn't tell you all of this because I am holding any expectations out for you. Or for... for us. I simply told you because I want you to understand why I am doing what I am doing. All I want is for you to feel better and for you to be happy," Lexa says softly while she rubs circles on the blonde's back.

They sit like that for a while, only the sounds of their breathing and Clarke's soft sniffling breaking the silence, until Clarke speaks up again.

"So then why would you want me to be on the oilrig with Luna? How would that help?"

Lexa sighs and allows Clarke to get off of her again so that they are back to facing each other with their legs crossed, knees almost touching.

"I'm not entirely sure, but you were happy there once upon a time, so I am sure you could be again. It's peaceful, you won't have to be weighted down by the burdens of being an Ambassador, you won't have to be around all these...," Lexa hesitates for a moment before continuing, "reminders of what happened to you and what you had to do. You'll get another chance at living."

Clarke nervously bites her lip again and this time Lexa can't help but reach forward and use her thumb to gently pull Clarke's lip free from her teeth. She drops her hand back into her lap again straight after and adds, "Please stop doing that. You're going to hurt yourself."

Ignoring the last comment and deciding to focus on the first, the blonde responds quietly, "Can you come with me?"

Lexa's eyes shoot up once again meeting those deep blue oceans before sadly shaking her head.

"Clarke... I can't do that. I have responsibilities here in Polis. I am the Heda..." and after breathing out another deep sigh she continues, "We may be at peace now, but our peace is still fragile. I can't leave here, I'm sorry."

Clarke casts her eyes down again, then asks, "Will I be allowed to return?"

"Of course, Clarke! You will always be welcome here," Lexa immediately responds, her tone almost sounding offended.

Clarke nods her head barely noticeably. "Can you... Will you at least... Would you visit me there?"

Lexa's eyes trail off to a spot on the headboard behind Clarke's head as she swallows thickly, on the one hand grateful that Clarke is considering her suggestion, but on the other hand deeply pained at the foresight of potentially being away from Clarke yet again.

"Maybe," Lexa responds hesitantly, almost absentminded. "But I do think it may be better for you to be free from me for a while."

She scrapes her throat before getting up from the bed while her eyes dart around the room, focusing anywhere but on Clarke's eyes.

"I'll give you some time to think about it. Let me know what you decide so arrangements can be made," the brunette says, almost stumbling over her own words as she makes her way to the door.