A new Dawn - Mafia life

23. Foundations

This chapter may be triggering for some surrounding self harm and suicide. Please do not read if easily triggered.

".... So talk...

"You don't understand how I felt... you moved on so quick.. and you let my kids around her... you didn't even let me explain to them that we were splitting up... and there they were meeting your new girl...

"Cos you dragged it out... hoping for what.. me and you to be the same as we once were?.." he said looking at her with his brow furrowed. "You asked my father to rough you up... you told me I wasn't good enough, I was too soft... and you meant every single word that you fucking said to me, you said some hurtful words out of that damn mouth for yours..."

"I don't know what I was doing.. no matter what you say... I didn't know what was going on. I hate myself for it... I didn't want to be here anymore... it messed up my entire life...

"And you messed up mine... this more recent shit about you and my dad!... you fucking lied to my face about that... he wasn't fucking you at all... you knew this would tear the family apart.. but you continued with yo lies anyway!." He said angered.

"I wanted you to notice me... I am so in love with you... it was desperate, I was desperate...

"Where are my kids Chloe?." He said cutting her off.

She shook her head. "Naw... you're just gonna take em... I'm gonna be a distant memory to them... you're gonna wrap them up in your new life with your new girl and child... I'll be nothing, forgotten about... when I love you with all my heart.." she said in tears.

Lamar grabbed her arms. He gritted his teeth "where are MY KIDS!.."

"Chloe just tell him!." Venice said seeing her brother getting more and more angry.

Chloe was adamant that she wasn't going to tell him. They were the only cards she had left to play. If he had those kids she would have nothing and she was afraid of the emptiness that she felt before creeping back in.

Lamar Sighed. "You know I loved you... you know I did... using my dad to get back at me for moving on was uncalled for Chloe... that hurt me, true or not... you still said those things, you still wanted him or you wouldn't have fantasised that affair with him!..."

"... no... you don't get it... YOU DONT GET IT!..." she ran for the door and Venice stopped her.

"Just tell him!.." Venice said.

"Chloe I'm not gonna take them away from you.. but you have to understand that I have my concerns about you having them full time now... you're not ready mentally... me and Chantal can take care of them until you're better... I'll get you into a good clinic with the best doctors that can help with depression and mental illnesses... just please let me know where they are...

She looked at him, her eyes were sad. "You think I would hurt them?.... They are safe and happy... they're not scared of me.. I made sure that they didn't see me fall off... I love and need them, if I don't have them then I don't have anything...

"Why won't you just tell me!." He said getting upset. "Chloe... those kids are my life too... we created them together... and the best years of my life was spent with you raising them... but things have changed now and you know that... we can coparent... I'll see to it that you see them regularly... and once you're well again and off the meds... we'll talk about you seeing them more..."

"You just want to take them." She said. She went into the kitchen and Lamar ran after her. She picked up a knife. She put it to her wrists. "If you take them then I can't be here anymore.... I can't stand the heartache that I feel constantly...

"Please put the knife down..." Lamar said.  Venice swallowed hard. Chloe really was unwell, she had been hiding it since she got out of hospital for slicing her wrists.

Venice noticed as her skirt rode up a little some marks on her legs. "Oh my god Chloe.... Have you been self harming... those are slice marks on your thighs...

"It helps to take away the pain I feel inside... the pain is somewhere else and for a short while.. my heart doesn't hurt anymore... I am so ashamed and full of self hate and guilt after taking those drugs and becoming someone I didn't even recognise... and now this... the despair I feel knowing the one true love of my life will never look at me the same way again... and you've moved on, with a baby on the way... those drugs took everything from me... I now suffer with debilitating anxiety and depression...  I'm half the person I used to be... and though I have tried... I'm not coping... Peyton killed me... now I just need to finish the job... cos what is left for me now?..."
She said and the tears rolled down her cheeks.

"... Chloe please put the knife down." Lamar said wiping his eyes. "Let me help you... for the sake of the kids... they need us both... you do have so much to live for... they're gonna grow up, go to college, get married and have kids of their own... their gonna need you... they're gonna need us... you can get better from this... it may not seem like it now... but you can... we'll support you, won't we V...

"Yeah... Chloe, please don't do this...

Venice had left the door on the latch. She had called her mother, when Lamar and Chloe were talking. Charisma was the only person she knew who was calm in a crisis. Lamar saw his mom walk in.
"Mom, she's been cutting herself, she wants to end it..." Venice said.

"... you're a strong ass woman Chloe, that strength is in there somewhere... all of this will be a distant memory at some point... and you will be that bomb ass business woman and mother that we all know you are...." She paused. "Remember when I came and saw you at the hospital... I gave you the keys to your own kingdom... you know why because I believe in you... Peyton messed with you hard... but you're stronger...

"What I said about me and Keegan...I'm sorry...

"I know you are... me and Keegan let it go... we know you're unwell... otherwise Keegan would have buried you by now... and you know that too..

"I'm sorry I kissed him... I wanted to feel... I've not felt anything for a long time...

"And did you feel anything when you kissed him?." She asked her.

Chloe shook her head. "No... because Lamar is the one that made me feel alive... no one else ever can..."

Charisma stepped closer to Chloe. "You will feel again, you will love again... first of all you have to work on you... don't let the kids suffer in between all of this.. because whether you think it or not they are suffering...." She sighed. "I stayed with Keegan after he beat me several times... you know why I stayed?... because, the kids needed him and me... and he loved them more than anything... I ran, man... I ran a few times" she shook her head. "... and he always found me... or I wanted to be found by him... who knows the truth, but I did come back to make sure my kids were happy... I have been where you are now, you feel like the whole world is against you, there is an emptiness that you can't fulfil.... But deep dive into being a mother, like I did... raise some amazing kids like I have... because my kids are my whole heart they get the best of me, not Keegan... them, whether they think it or not ... and I would suffer pain just to make sure they stay together... because that is what mothers do, we live for our kids... so, why don't you take me to see them huh?... just me and you...

Chloe was trembling, the tears fell the whole time Charisma talked to her. But her calm and soothing tone, helped Chloe to hand her the knife. She fell into Charisma's arms and cried hard.
"Come on... just me and you..." she said and led her out to the car.

Charisma looked back at Lamar and said nothing before she got into the car beside her and pulled off.

Venice looked at Lamar. "That's a strong ass woman right there my mama bear... you have a think about everything that has happened in her life, but she is still here standing tall and still going hard for her kids... you, Josh and Arlen need to think about what you're doing... you ruin that relationship with mom... you'll never be the same again.. she is our foundation, the rock we all go to when we need safety and security.... Remember that, cos once that door is closed, it will be cold..." she said and walked inside.....