Neon Lights

THIRTY

Lin Shimira took a bus back, he had house duties and Alexander wasn't in a position to go back, yet. He left me with his gun. I let him know I could get arrested for it, he sent me a smile and jumped the next bus.

We stopped at the motel, he'd taken a bus to here and hadn't really packed anything. He just needed to get away, 'didn't care about all that' which is to say I had to find him something to wear that wasn't sweaty as he took a bath. There wasn't a shop nearby, I bought clothes from a traveller (he overcharged me, too) and lay them over his bed, made eggs and bacon and that weird black tea thing he liked so much. He thanked me briefly, I watched him eat while perched on the window sill. He ate, slowly, in grey sweaters and sweatpants smaller than him. It was, funny. He kept the cap. The pendant was missing from his neck, as it should.

"Jagi?"

This time I wore that smile over my lips, full.

"Hm"

"What happened to your hand?"

I shrugged "burn"

He nod, like he understood. We regarded each other for a minute, he chose to look into his plate, I chose to look at him. God, so beautiful.

"When did you- when was the first time, you realized you were, attracted- to me?"

Oh.

"There wasn't, a point in time? It was gradual. After, that night, I tried to live, normally. I'm a person that needs someone to revolve my life around, I was raised that way. Those days I was so lost. I went to school and I made friends and I tried things teenagers tried and I did a great job at getting my shit together, you know? But it was so empty. It was I think a year? Later when Laila got into contact with me, I'd been floating between days with nothing to tether me down. We made a deal, back then-" a son for a son "- that required me to, get close to you? There was, every time you were in the country I had to be there. And I, watched you. I watched you and you were so, strong. It's like nothing had happened, you were a functional person, you were so good at being complete I just. Let's say I was fascinated with you. Part of the deal was to, quite literally, watch you. Where you went I went, I think it was natural. You slowly became that. That, center of my life. Every time you were in the continent I was there- I think it was a matter of course? Then soon I think I just realized you're very, good looking? I was an adolescent, I'd never learned what, emotions or attraction or all that- bag of things, were. In my world it wasn't a thing

"This time, with the Woo Foundation thing, you went to some afterparty and you were, drunk. Some girls took you upstairs and it felt wrong, I thought it was because I didn't know them, it was unsafe? But it was, something else. I walked into the room while they were-" Smiling, I closed my eyes against it "you were so out of it but they still-. And I, I did things to them that were irrational. I couldn't, justify what happened that day. And you were half asleep and I had you on my lap and I was feeling these things. It was, so strange. It was the first time I wanted to do- anything- with anyone. I didn't understand it then. Sometime later in school,yeah,there was these girls with this magazine you were a cover of, right? And they kept going on and on about how great you looked and how hot and I shouted at them to shut up? I think, I didn't know back then, but later I think it all added up. When I got older and I learned more about- stuff.

He looked at me, this light floating into grey pupils to this, it made him look like sonething heavenly. I smiled. He was, mine. He was mine.

He blushed. He literally blushed, I wished I had a photo of it. He cleared his throat and I held his eyes.

Sunshine. If I was his moonlight, he was my sunshine.

"So,only me?"

I nod.