Neon Lights

SEVENTEEN

Laila Moon Ga was the one to pick me from hospital.

By pick me I mean she parked her car and had buff men quite literally fetch me from the building. It wasn't like her to step into places like those- this was a very Laila Moon Ga thing to do. Few minutes after being discharged I was, in hospital clothing, calling shotgun in her car.

"You look terrible,  Clara. White is not your color"

I agreed " that's what God has been trying to say this whole time"

"It's been so long since I picked you up from a hospital like this. How many-"

"Five. Five years"

"How long do you have left?"

And, that's why I loved her . No use for sentiments, straight to the point as it got.

"They don't know. One year, give or take"

I watched perfectly manicured fingers over her steering wheel. Watched the city lights float past us.

"He's at my house, in the province. He'll be back by tomorrow. Asked after you, once."

He. He was Alex.

I resisted the urge to talk about him, moved to the things that really mattered.

"Got all you needed from Song?"

She confirmed it. Silence rang loudly within the metallic space. It smelled of lilacs, her car, and her.

"Do you remember the first time we met? The promises we made each other?"

I nod. Something like that, something like that was hard to forget. Something like that made a woman like me out of a girl I once was.

"We've kept them, haven't we? Our promises to each other?"

"Mhm. And we will continue to, won't we?"

I agreed. My fingers itched for my phone, it had been three weeks stuck in a hospital bed, medicated and isolated. I needed a shower. New clothes. A comfortable bed. Food I actually liked.

"I'll keep your son safe, Laila. I promised you and him. You can count on that"

"I know I can, that's why you, even last minute. A son for a son, no?"

The implication didn't fly over me, I gripped the edges of my seat just a little tighter. It'd been a threat at best, one I couldn't ignore.

"A son for a son"

She smiled, lines showing over the ends of her lips. A woman like her.

"Are you in love with him or is it infatuation?"

This. Why was it always this.

"Him to me, actually. Limerence at best. You and I know I'm not interested,  Laila"

"You know, when you're a Moon Ga, like I am, like he is? It's all you can ever be. It seeps everything else out of you, you can no longer be just a boy. Or a girl. Or a mom,  or a wife- it takes everything else and crushes it till all youre left to be is a Moon Ga" the residence slowly came into view, the place I'd began of thinking of as 'home'. So much had changed. Luke wouldn't welcome me. I wouldn't check in with Kaji, and Alexander wouldn't be waiting for me "other mothers, when their sons are in pain, they comfort them. I, when my sons are in pain, I punish them for the ability to feel. I take everything about them that's innocent and crush it out, till there's nothing left- I punish them out of their humanity. Im a terrible mom, right?"

I nod. No use for sentiments, she was monstrous.

"Terrible moms either raise gods or slaves"

"Which one did you become?"