Neon Lights

TWENTY FIVE

His sight creeped in faster than we'd both anticipated, which means he avoided looking at me, more, which means things were a lot more akward than they needed to be. I didn't understand it, his aversion to my fave- it disturbed me so I said my goodbyes four days earlier than I was supposed to. He had his blue light filter glasses, he had all he'd needed- and Shimira. I called him the night before, he was there early morning and I left before he could wake up. It wasn't dramatic, really, I did text him on my way home. It'd been, something- after that night, there had been something there. On the air, between us, something big but not big enough to swallow us up. Me?

It did. It swallowed me up.

My flight back home was in four days, I didn't have much to do but prepare for it. I hadn't flown a lot in my life, in fact I could count on one hand how many flights I'd taken- and most weren't more than an hour long. Last time I'd been here Laila took care of everything, this time it was up to me so I did what girls did when they were stressed.

I called the gang.

Now I know this story is basedargrly around Alex and Liam,  I know, but I did have other friends outside those two, two of whom were currently roadtriping and set to return the following day, so we set a mall date. One thing a girl can not live without is mall besties.

I spent that day in the room upstairs, the dark one. It had been his from the beginning, like the house was- canvas and all, but I was leaving I might as well. We weren't the same brand of painters, he was abstract. Feeling based, art was an expression for him, it was a mode of communication. Art was a reflection for me, my style was a little more too abstract, a little more incomprehensible- I'd used it as a trauma dump for days, from doodling in my notebooks to- and I'm not proud of this- street art, in my teen days. When I left home.

I filled up every single canvas in that room with ink, red green and cyan, neon lights and the dark room. It was, freeing- I could see how it was therapeutic- in that I was bawling when I was done and couldn't take the stairs done.

I'd been more, human,  after landing on this land. It'd been so long since I cried. Since I felt. Since I was more than motion and performance. I slept there, in the backroom, between canvases of the exact same painting, the exact same day, the mother of all sin- the day everything changed. It was always glass. I'd never been one for weapons, I wasn't the type to carry around bullets or blades, I'd find what I needed where it was needed and that had mostly been glass. I loved the intimacy of it, like a weird bonding ritual- broken glass sliced both people, the holder, and who it's held against. I liked that better. I liked that we became one, this way, a mark on you and a mark on me. Murder is an art, I had the hands of a master.

Liam, Jun, Sara and Kenji - that was the friendship circle from night classes- and I met at a Cafe first. The boys, who were the majority, needed their caffeine and the girls followed for the croissants,  a good day began with carbs. They'd arrived the previous night, tired and battered and Sara had a ton of interesting stories about roadtriping with boys. They denied the allegations with all they had- breakfast together became a court hearing, circumstantial evidence being brought one after the other. Despite being severely outnumbered by very effective lawyers to be Sara won, because i was judge and she was a girl and girls supported girls, always. I had to pay for the coffee as payment. It was worth it. Girls stuck together. That was the law.

We decided to drive out of town together, eat out and share a room, last night it'd be thr five of us. It was a solid plan, one that again included me paying for everything because 'it's your last chance to spoil us'. It was fair enough. Kenji and Jun rode with me, Sara and Liam rode his car together. The idea was 'we've never been in that car'. Sara had, I usually picked her up on the way to class and she'd usually find a way to commute back. Liam, Liam had spent a substantial amount of time in the automatic. They both wanted to drive, I let then know only one person could drive at a time so they- I'm not even kidding you- took turns. It was, fun. I liked this. I liked them. They would crash my car though, and it was a lot pf driving instructions for an automatic and men with a driving license.