Neon Lights

THIRTEEN

I left for the country on a Saturday morning. I was exhausted, more suited for a comfortable bed than I was for a bus, my neck pillow was the first thing I packed.

I hadn't slept in three days. Exams kept me up exams and the other one, the other one being Alexander Moon Ga. He'd been there every night after the first, in the kitchen, slowly helping out. Washing the rice. Slicing the tomatoes. Cleaning the dishes. Always in looking like a fucking sin. Always tempting me with him, with the way he moved around, always trying something new. Always feeding me that damn smile of his with every little win, pulling me in with every move of him. I needed the reset. I needed it badly.

I'd made arrangements with the staff, I'd be out for a week. The house was to function as it always had. He was to remain undisturbed. Work day ended at four after midday. Kaji promised to walk Luke and take a night check around the apartment,  and Alex- I'd said nothing to him. We'd never mentioned the trip after that, it sat a quiet elephant in every room, so widely visible every time he hesitated the least to say anything- he could say anything- but he didnt- so I said nothing.

I was in his room a little after sunset, like us- in the night. It was my first time uncalled for, standing at the edge of his minimalistic barely lived in room. He stood by the windows, black long-sleeved t-shirt over his chest and, again, fucking joggers and barefoot. I didn't lock the door behind me,  I couldn't. He sensed me, like he always did, and turned with thar odd visual precision, his eyes on my face- so eerily precise. I leaned into the comfort that he couldn't see me and all the things written on my face.

"Leaving?"

I swallowed against the weight of it. "Soon. Come with me? There's, something. "

He said nothing, steps calculated, his hand reaching for mine. So easily, he did it so easily now, gave me his hand, and I took it so easily now.

"We are taking the stairs, to the other room"

It was just above his, I lay his hand on the rails and lightly touched his back- do this by yourself. He was a little more confident now, measured the steepness of the first step and kept a steady pace. I swallowed my heart back into my chest. He was so close. So dangerously close. He shouldn't have been. I shouldn't have cared.

It was black, the room, I led him in woth the lights off, this time he had more sight than me. He noticed the dark, said nothing to it. The trust turned something in my chest, I pushed it back. He stopped where I stopped.

"It's, a dark room, of sorts. I painted the walls and ceilings black and changed the bulb to florescent light blue, dim. It's, a sensor, it answers to your voice. If you order them on they will"

He made a sound. "In English?"

I nod. Realized even I couldn't see it and confirmed it.

"Lights on?"

They did. They bathed the room in dim blue. He blinked against them and said nothing. I kept at it.

"We are about four meters into the room, about a third. Three o'clock from where you are there's a table. It has- paint. Neon. Blue, red , white and orange, the lights emphasize them. Six
O'clock,  by the wall, is another table- all sizes of painting brushes I could find. I - I don't know much about paint so I,  uh, did all I could. And 9 O'clock, by the wall, are canvases. About your height, I found every size I could, I didn't know- all I could. They're all black, but marked. The position of the white spot is about its height from the floor. The floor is, matted, no shoes. The bathroom is just about where yours is, I duplicated the products I could remember. Just left to the door, when you come in, is a wardrobe of overalls, about your size, twelve of them and a laundry basket and-"