BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2017

Chapter 61- Weirdo

July 15th, 2017:

We were nearly done recording the new album. We'd been discussing the theme and songs for months now, but we were only now finishing the actual songs. Most of them were done, but we were just going over the final details. None of my songs had been chosen given we'd gone with a much more pop-dance track type of vibe and my songs tended to be more ballad, R&B, and at most alternative. I had helped to produce Outro: Her with Yoongi and wrote some of the lyrics for Best of Me, Dimple, and Pied Piper, however. While a little disappointed none of my songs were chosen, I was still proud of my contributions, especially my producing of Outro: Her. Yoongi had given me a lot more control than I had anticipated and nearly all of my contributions stayed in the song.

We had also released a remake of Come Back Home by Seo Taiji and Boys. This was all part of our partnership with him for his 25-year anniversary concert where we were also going to perform the song at the concert. While exciting to be a part of something so monumental, this was the founder of K-pop we were collaborating with, it was adding a lot of stress given we didn't want to mess up. The concert was also a week before our comeback so we would be having to juggle both major schedules at the same time.

Aside from that, a lot was going on online. Our new logo had been unveiled on the 4th, along with a logo for ARMY. Fans were still making videos and commentary on us trend on Twitter. I'd also done two interviews, one with Elle and one with the Rolling Stone (with the same journalist who wrote the one write after the Billboard Awards). In both I'd tried desperately hard to turn the questions about me and my talents and accomplishments/struggles into one about the group. I could only hope they'd be published it in that light. There was already a discourse on social media amongst ARMY who felt uncomfortable or annoyed with the fact I was getting so much attention. And I agreed with them, other than the ones blaming me for it. However, as a result, I was working extra hard to prove that I was still invested in the group, that I wasn't getting lazy from the fame, that I was an asset to the group outside of being the loved girl of BTS. I was staying up later, remaining at the company to work on the songs and learn the choreographies. I had also decided to learn Spanish to be able to connect with Spanish-speaking fans more since I knew we had a large number of fans from Spanish-speaking countries. My sister had also arrived in Seoul last month and was pestering me to meet up, but I kept telling her I was too busy. Kevin had now also arrived which only increased the pestering.

We were currently in the studio for our fourth day of working through the DNA choreography. There was a couple of sub-unit dancing in this choreography which meant we got a few second breaks in between which was nice, but overall, it was still quite a demanding choreography. To top it all off, I was on my period and pumped up on medication for cramps and overall aches.

"Y/N, you have to spin faster so you match with us," Jimin says as we took a short water break.

I just nod as drank my water, taking another pain reliever. For my first solo part of the song, I was doing the choreography with Taehyung and Jimin behind me which meant I really needed to up my game dancing wise to not look like a total fool in front of them.

"Okay, let's get back to it," Hoseok claps, stretching his arms back and forth.

We rehearse for another two hours, with me going to the bathroom three times. Part of me was thankful I was having my period as it was a sign I was healthy to a certain degree, and another absolutely hated it.

"I'm sorry, I'm back," I say for the third time now.