Caged By Him

Chapter 89

"I'm right here if you need anything. Just try to get some rest. Nothing will happen." His reassuring tone somehow manages to set my mind at ease.

He sat there that entire night watching me, waiting for me to fall asleep soundly.

End of flashback

Throughout that entire period, he never faltered, he never lost his temper. He's just been patient with me. Pushing aside his own pain and selflessly attempting to alleviate mine.

But I just saw him as someone who was trying to hurt me. Why couldn't I just accept that he loved me from the beginning? Why did I have to complicate things? I pushed him away and that's something I'll have to live with everyday.

I've always walked on eggshells when I was around him. His presence was overwhelming, and menacing in the most exhilarating way. Being around him was a constant adrenaline rush. I always found myself struggling to remain composed and stoic when he was near me. I could never bluntly say what I was thinking to him.

So I never told him how I felt.

He's gone and he'll never know how much he's done for me. How his love made me a better person. How he took great care of me and listened to me when I had no one.

That thought devastates me more than anything. The face that I've never been forward with him and spoke my mind, simply blurted out what I felt from time to time.

Feeling sick to my stomach, I push my matted down hair out of my face and curl up in bed. I've finally hit rock bottom.

Laying here in this bed alone, I am experiencing every bad feeling I can think of: my eyes are burning, I'm famished from my lack of sustenance, everywhere itches as I neglected my hygiene and every part of me aches, I wish I could close my eyes for one minute but I'm unable to. My mind is pervaded with excruciating memories of him.

I layed like a comatose corpse what it felt like forever. Eric hasn't woken up during the night. The sun was slowly creeping up and penetrating the room, ushering in the day I dreaded the most.

The day of Tristan's funeral.

I haven't eaten in two days and I feel like I might faint any second now. I gather whatever strength left in me and push myself up from the bed.

I directly go towards Eric's crib and to my surprise, he's fully awake and crawling around his crib. I carry him in my arms and embrace him tightly. He's currently the only thing keeping me from completely losing my mind. Tristan would've wanted me to take great care of him.

"Aurora." Dianne calls to me, pulling me into her arms but I just stand still. "You don't look well, dear."

"He wouldn't want to see you like this, sweetheart." Mr Black reminds me, shaking his head.

"He's not here." I dryly reply before walking away and taking my place all alone, away from everybody.

The entire service went by lingeringly. I found myself spacing out for most of it as I didn't want to be there. Tristan knew a lot of people and everyone spoke so highly of him. Hours and hours passed of people praising him.

I just sat there, waiting for it to be over. I was asked to speak at his funeral but there are no words I can utter that would do him justice. None.