Bullet

Chapter 13

SOMETHING snapped me back into reality. Napakurap-kurap ako at muling luminaw ang isipan ko. He's still standing in front of me, gazing deeply, with his forehead creased as if he's telling me he's worried. Pero tila naghihintay rin siya ng sagot ko.

"Aurora? Are you okay?"

Kung puwede lang isinigaw ko na lahat ng sama ng loob ko, at kung nagawa ko lang ang nasa imahinasyon ko kanina. Pero hindi ko magawa. Tikom ang bibig ko, pagod na rin ang mga mata ko. Isa pa, ay may sinat pa ako at pagod na pagod.

I tried a smile. "I'm fine, Val. Kailangan ko lang magpahinga."

"You don't look so fine." He crossed his arms over his chest. Sa tingin niya pa lang sa akin ay sinasabi niya nang hindi siya naniniwala. "C'mon. I have medicines here. Justine gave me some. Drink this before you sleep."

Pasimple akong umatras palayo. "H-hindi na kailangan. Maayos na ako. Puwede ka nang umalis. Kailangan ko lang talang itulog ito."

His eyebrows slightly met in the middle. "Aurora." May pagbabanta sa boses nito. "I won't leave until you drink this."

"Ayos na, Valente. Sige na." Umiling ako.

"Kailangan mong gumaling. You're sick. You need to drink this to get back your strength."

"I said, I'm fine. Really. Thanks for that pero puwede ka nang umalis. Hangga't hindi ka umaalis, hindi ako makakapagpahinga."

"And I won't leave until you drink this---"

"I SAID YOU CAN LEAVE!"

He stopped. Mas lumalim ang pagkakakunot ng noo niya habang ako ay mabilis na umiwas ng tingin. Embarassment and frustration quickly crept up into my chest as I bit my lower lip.

"Sorry." Mahinang bulong ko at agad na isinara ang pintuan.

That was pathetic, so, so pathetic and wrong. Hindi ko dapat ginawa iyon. Dapat ay mas pinigilan ko pa ang sarili ko. I should have thought twice before letting my emotions get the best of me. It was a desperate attempt to save myself! Siyam na buwan, siyam na buwan at dapat kilala ko na si Valente.

"Hey, hey, it's fine. I'm sorry. I'm pushing you to drink this. Kung...kung nakapagpahinga ka na, kung gusto mo nang inumin ang gamot mo, I'll be near. Justine will be here as well."

Mariin akong napapikit at pagkatapos ay dumilat lang din.

Kanina pa ako pabalik-balik sa paglalakad dahil hindi ako mapalagay. I feel dizzy, a lot, but I kept pacing back and forth. Nang isara ko ang pintuan ay doon lang ako nahimasmasan.

That's when I realized what I have done.

I shouted at a lieutenant colonel, at a soldier, and it was Lieutenant Colonel Santiago. Sinabi ko na sa kaniya---lahat ng nararamdaman ko, lahat ng hinanakit ko dahil sa nangyari. And I made him feel that it was all his fault for hurting me, when in reality, I can't really do anything about it.

Hindi ko naman madidiktahan ang puso ng lalaki kung sino ang magugustuhan at mamahalin niya.

"I'm sorry, Aurora."

Napabuntong-hininga ako nang malalim.

Finally, I sat on my bed and sighed again. Pinadaan ko ang mga daliri sa buhok ko at mariing napapikit. Isang kahihiyan ang ginawa ko kanina. I sounded so angry even without any reason. Nasigawan ko siya. He's just concern and I shouted at him.

"I need to talk to him. I need to clear things between us once and for all. Hindi ko siya maiiwasan. Kailangan ko lang maging civil sa kaniya para tuluyan akong maka-move on. Right." I talked to nyself while nodding. Idinilat ko na ang mga mata.