Ecstasy [h.s]

Chapter 53

LIZ'S P.O.V

"I can't believe it," Lexi's voice comes out as a soft plea, her eyes roaming around the half empty apartment in sadness. "I can't believe that after all of this time, we are moving out."

Her soft eyes finally found me, in that moment, the look she gave me was enough for me to read the endless sadness she hid behind her smiles. She was sad, disappointed, and most of all angry with me. She didn't have to say it, I know she never will but the way she looked at me in that moment, the sudden emotion that flashed in her eyes said it better than words ever could.

I could see it all behind her eyes, Lexi was never one to hide her feelings well. I could see the misery behind her smile, I could see her heart beating with sorrow instead of happiness, I could see her pain. I can see just how messed up she is beneath it all, no matter how hard she tries to hide it. I understand parts of her that I don't think she understands herself, I know her better than I even know myself.

I hate how I dragged her into my mess, how she willingly left behind the only home she knew, her parents, her house; her happy life. Lexi had a bright future ahead of her, and she could have reached it if she never followed me to L.A., if she stayed in Carolina she wouldn't have had to hide her pain; she could've been happy like how she used to be.

I know that when she looks at me she sees the graceful person I used to be.

I miss her too. I miss who I used to be.

"I'm sorry," I say back sadly. The apology rolls off my tongue easily, but despite the pleading words it almost sounds useless leaving my lips.

"It's not your fault," she sighs. "None of it is."

She gives me a small smile, but despite her soft tone and the comforting words I don't find myself believing her. Some things inevitably happen and no matter how hard I tried to fight fate I couldn't stop them. There are times when I couldn't blame myself even if I wanted to, as bad as I was some things were out of my control. But, if there's one thing that's my fault, one thing I blame myself for it's the spark leaving her eyes, almost as if life was drained out of her.

Lexi used to carry a certain spark in her that was strong enough to light up the sky on a stormy night. She had a certain light in her soul that was brighter than Quasars, she was undoubtedly a ray of sunshine. She had a contagious laugh, just thinking about it was enough to bring a smile to your face, a heart so kind it was enough to make you feel envious of the sweetness she carried. But most importantly she was happy, content, and comfortable with her life. I ruined all of that, I took it all away from her the moment I let her follow me here.

"Kind of is though," I shrugged my shoulders in defeat, a sad look flashed in her eyes but she managed to hide it quickly."There's nothing I can do about it now."

My voice echoes loudly in the half-empty apartment. This week the apartment was officially put for sale, putting an end to the memories the two of us had created in the small space. I didn't tell Lexi about me selling the apartment until I was sure I could find another one, and I did.

To my luck after almost a month of searching I  managed to find a small apartment just on the other side of Los Angeles, it wasn't anything like the home we had built in this apartment but it was comfortable enough for the two of us. I hope our time there is as good as it was here, I hope we can make it work again.

Recently it feels like everything's been falling apart, I'm glad that amid all this chaos I managed to do something right.

Speaking of chaos, my date with Chase last week ended awkwardly. We spent the rest of the time talking about the most random stuff, it went by normal, at least as normal as it could when you were kissing someone else in the bathroom just moments before. I spent the whole time at the restaurant ignoring Harry's piercing eyes and how they managed to stare at me for hours on end.