Ecstasy [h.s]

Chapter 10

LIZ'S P.O.V

I think of him- them in the shower.

When I go to bed.

As soon as I open my eyes.

I imagine what life would be like with both of them back.

He would send me into ruins, marking me pysichally and mentally, making sure I never forget his cold touch.

She would heal me, though. Her soft hands would gently clean each wound he inflicted as she whispered "we'll be alright"   

I imagine myself running into her arms now, her favorite perfume would choke me but at least it brought me comfort, a feeling of home. She reminded me of home. I'm sure Lexi misses her more though. Even though she'll never admit it, she loved her more; I did too.

"Who's Grace?" Harry's voice brings me back to reality, tracing me out of my thoughts; I leave my daydreams behind, but I'll be back when the whiskey burns my throat, when I close my eyes tonight, tomorrow and the day after; I'll be back. I always am.

I don't wanna think about him. Even the thought of his name brings me back to places I tried so hard to leave, so hard to hide from. I'm glad he's dead, I would gladly go back to that day, with a smile on my face as I watch him choke on his own blood.

"No one, I don't wanna talk about her." Thinking about Grace was enough, her name didn't need to leave my lips.

"L-Grace," Lexi muttered and I looked back at her shaky hands now covering her eyes, they were wet from the amount of tears she spilled. I can't relate, I'm just numb. Numb to it all, numb to any feeling.

"I miss her," Lexi mutters under her breath. She's in shock, I know what that's like. This night will consume her thoughts and dreams until she can't run away from them, until she can't hide anywhere from them. No amount of therapy, drugs or alcohol can erase what she witnessed tonight, what she experienced tonight. Nothing will make this pain go away, until she's too numb of it all. I know what that's like.

I can't think of anything but them. My head is full of them.

Their names rotted in my mind.

I don't wanna live like this anymore, I don't wanna live in this fear. Waking up in the morning with an already racing heart wondering if I would wake up again the next day.

"Liz, please answer me." Both of their voices are just background noise to me now. I'm so drained mentally, emotionally and physically. I've completely shut down, I can feel someone's hand running through my back and they try to comfort me. I don't know who, I'm too far gone to register the sweet voice.

"Elizabeth," Harry's low voice snaps me to reality.

I look at him, he clenches his jaw harshly but not in anger. "Say something," he says.

"Let me help you." Lexi's soft hand is on my wet one. Why is my hand wet? I looked down, my fingers dug so far into my skin blood started to pour out. I'm too far gone for help.

"I killed her." I shake my head, I wait for the tears to stain my red cheeks, but they never come. I just wanna feel something, I'm too numb.

"What happened to Candice wasn't your fault."

"It is."

"No, it's not." Harry speaks up, but now all I can remember is his bloody hands and face at the bar.

Crimson is all I've been seeing recently.

The door snaps open again, catching my attention but I don't turn away until two familar voices speak up.