729 𝑫𝒂𝒚𝒔 {𝑪𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒅}

Chapter 62

I walk out of my room and head my way towards the beach. Its past 7 now. So the area has turned comparatively quite. I have the beach attached directly with the resort, so I decided to keep my sandals off in my room.

Bare footed, I walk on the beach the sand glowing and sparkling beneath.
The blue sparkles looks like a heavenly view. With each forming and falling wave, the blue sand folds with the water marking the lining of the waves. The glow in the dark, it's like ....the sand is adding life to the sea in the front.

I decide to sit down on the beach. The sand is wet but doesn't stick to my skin. I stare at the sea in front of me.

Alex had to do this? Alex could have just broke up with me? I did? I tried to go away? I tried several times? I tried attempting suicide for him? I lost my best friend for him? I lost Ross, for him? I wasn't supposed to tolerate the bullies I faced from him for months? I wasn't supposed to loose my virginity for him? I wasn't supposed to get called crazy because of him? I wasn't right? I wasn't? I shouldn't have had the trust issues? Life was simpler before him? Easy? On track? Dedicated? I was ambitious? Centralised? Why did I have to loose myself to find him?

That's it.
I loved him, I tried hard, beyond my limits, to love him, to trust him. To fucking TRUST himmm. I went to every extreme , i could to feel getting loved by him. I wanted the validation. I wanted the appreciation. I wanted the patience from him. I kept on loosing everything I had , in order to find him. The true him where maybe...maybe he loves me, trusts me, protects me, embraces my flaws, dreams with me, cares about me.

But now....
Now I don't know where or which is the true self of him. If he ever loved me, he wouldn't have done any of the things he has been doing from the first day we met. He wouldn't have.....he wouldn't.....

Tears start trailing down my cheeks and i finally let it out. I scream. I scream my lungs out and cry. I know there's no one to hear me. Just the sea and me.

I hope the sea hears my words. I hope she understands why I am being so miserable, vulnerably crying in front of her. I don't want anyone to come near me anymore. Each one is nothing but a damned coloured face.... reflections changing each second depending on the needs. I scream at her. I scream at the sea in front of me , in the middle of nowhere.

The way I am screaming, if the sea could talk she would feel sorry for me, sorry for my condition. I didn't have an emotionally available father to hold the hand before facing the world, I didn't have a fighter mom to protect her delicate girl from the cruelty of the world. I didn't have a family, to rely on as the backbone. I couldn't make a friend who would be selfless enough like me, to do anything for the relation to last. I never made it as a girlfriend, as a home , he could come back in peace to.
I failed. I failed in every respective field.