Hellayuhah [Accepting Requests]

Bloodstains

(Tw: Implied suicidal thoughts)
He limps home, a slow, cold, and agonizingly lonely walk home. He only has one earbud in because his stupid ass lost the other. Always ridden with guilt and burdens he walks alone. It's dark and scary outside so he must trudge on. Tears well in his eyes but he feels nothing. Cold and empty, just like the night. How much longer will this go on? He does not know, doesn't want to. He's afraid of what's to come after. Can he truly, live like everyone else when it finally comes to an end? He doubts it, it's ingrained in his blood now. The need to fight, the need to avoid. He's pathetic.

And that's okay.

Jake fumbles with his keys, it's hard to see the lock through tears. He's biting at his lower lips, an old habit so that he wouldn't disturb Kenny or his parents when he cries through the night. It's a dreadfully lonely and quiet house. There is no one waiting up for him at home, everyone is fast asleep right now. There was no text or calls to see where he was or what he was doing so late at night. It wasn't their business to know but still, it hurt to know they didn't even try to reach out. Perhaps they learned from Kenny to just let them burn out on their own path. What a terrible road to be on. Jake goes into his room and tries to wipe his face. His jacket that was too thin for this temperature is littered with bloodstains. Terrible, he liked this jacket. Jake sits on his bed, holding his head in his hands. Terrible terrible. His sheets were getting bloody now but he did not care. He just needed to cry it all out, his cries are silent, an old, bad habit that will not help him. He is isolated and surrounded, suffocating in their silence. No matter what he blares in his headphones nothing could stop the tears and blood from mixing together. Perhaps this was it for Jake. A simple and plain life, where he hasn't done anything noteworthy to be missed all that much. It sounds so good to just, disappear. Stop existing and rest. Rest for however long his body aches for. Rest away from the sun, and everyone else. Maybe this was for the best, that way he didn't have to face the consequences. He'll just deal with his demons in hell, he's much better at fist fighting than mental fighting. He presumes.

"Are you done self wallowing?"
"HOLY SH-" Jake's mouth was covered in an instant. Brown eyes met an electrifying pink.
Gray takes his hand off from a stunned Jake, "You took longer than I expected, tough fight?"
"I- uh, how are you..."
"Kenny let me in earlier. Way earlier."
"How long have you been in here?"
"You know how you're supposed to be hanging out with your friends today but you canceled on them last minute?"
"Oh..." Jake glances to the side sheepishly.
Gray folded his arms, looking down at Jake on the bed from where he stood. A rare moment to be taller than the other, "Yeah, we talk."
Jake is silent for a while still not looking at Gray, the plastic smile on his face indicates he was nervous, "... Am I in trouble? Or something?"
Gray's eyes narrow, he didn't miss where Jake chose to stop at his sentence, "You're filthy."
"Thanks."
"Jake." Gray was less than impressed.
"Sorry, um," Jake looks to the other side of his room, Gray knew his deflecting patterns too well now, "Yeah I, I know that."
"You should wash up."
Jake takes a moment to think, but Gray knows he's not considering even changing his crusty ass clothes.
"I think I want to sit like this for a while."
"Processing?"
Jake nods, "Processing."
Gray takes a seat on the bed next to Jake, they don't look at each other and it's quiet for a while longer. Jake's hand finds Gray's, and Gray allows it. He lets Jake squeeze it with those shaking hands of his. Even when the squeeze felt like it would break his hand Gray made no sign of discomfort because he knew Jake. Right on cue Jake stops squeezing, he tries to take his hand away but Gray held on.
"You're not going to break me." It was Jake's turn to stare at Gray, although his gaze was much less hostile. They held guilt and sadness, those feelings would linger in his life for years to come. Always waiting behind the closed door.
"I always break things."
"That's okay, I have broken things too."
They weren't talking about tangible things.
"Yeah but yours always get fixed, your will be back to normal while I..."
"That's because you see yourself as a captain at sea in a grand boat. You don't want your friends to join you because you're afraid of letting the drown with you. But your boat is a small rowboat, with a hole at the bottom that you're sinking in alone because you rather drown than take the lifesaver they throw you."
"... I'm not that prideful."
"But it's not pride in your case, more like self destruction."
Jake couldn't say anything to that, he bites his tongue. He wants to get out of this conversation, deflect and mask himself like he always done. To hide behind a 'I'm fine, really.' Because even he couldn't believe his lie anymore. Exhausting, being vulnerable was even more exhausting than fighting. He could feel Gray's thin fingers enwrap his own. He wonders if Gray could feel how calloused his hands were compared to his own. That reminds him he needs to lotion more often. To do that he needed lotion. He was supposed to get lotion today with his friends.
"Jake."
"I'm here." Jake only glances over to Gray, knowing that at some point the other had turned to look at him more closely.
Gray scoffs, "You look horrible."
"Thanks."
"..."
"Sorry." Jake looks away from Gray's general direction, "Hm, yeah I could go for a shower."
"That's good, because you smell like a dog who lost a fight to a rat."
Jake grins, he took this change in mood as a sign he could be silly again. So he decided he wanted to be cheeky, "Wanna join me?"
They look at each other, stupid grin and deadpan, one who which shrugs and opens his mouth to say, "Sure why not."
Flabbergasted, shocked, surprised. Jake was stunned for a good few seconds much to Gray's subtle amusement. He could never get used to Gray's style of teasing, how he seemed unaffected under the surface of that blank gorgeous face. Jake only chuckles, resisting the urge to burst out laughing so that his family wouldn't hear how smitten he was.
"You're the funniest person I know Gray Yeon."
"You're the third funniest person I know. But the first at being a pain in my ass."
Jake was in a fit of giggles, covering his mouth with one hand and hunched over, "You're so mean to me!" He gasps out once he caught his breath. Then he lost it again.

Gray really was the prettiest when he smiles like that.

"So are we going to take that shower or what?"
"Deadass?"
"That's for you to decide." Gray had the audacity to shrug, what a funny guy. Jake thinks to himself as he takes off his bloodstained clothes. How funny indeed.