Our Nanny is a Boy || bxb

85. Dear Evan Hansen

'No way,' Peter said. 'He took you in, but instead of him taking care of you, you had to take care of him. After losing your mom, you had to drop out of school and work two jobs just to provide for your own uncle, a full grown man? That is so not okay!'

'Well, it's not like I had anywhere else to go,' Robin said. 'I was just grateful someone wanted me and he never did anything to hurt me, at least not on purpose.'

'Still,' Peter said. 'You had your education taken away from you because of him. If you weren't so strong and selfless, you might have ended up like him. That would be justifiable.'

Robin shook his head. 'No, he was a good man, deep down. But I have to admit, it wasn't easy. Living with him. So, I spent most of my time outside of the house. I felt lonely, so after work, I roamed the streets. That's when I came across him. He was outside alone, just like me. Every night, at the bridge. I noticed him, but he didn't notice me. Until one day, I finally mustered up the courage to talk to him.'

He remembered it clearly. Something about the boy had just pulled him in. He was there every night and he looked so lonely, almost as if he was waiting for someone who would never come. Despite his fear of the unknown, Robin had walked towards him that day. He had looked up and taken off his headset. 'Can I help you?'

'It's a beautiful view here,' Robin had said. 'Mind if I join you here?'

He had seemed to hesitate before shrugging. 'Sure.'

He did not put his headphones back on, so Robin decided to strike up some small talk. It was not successful, he seemed pretty bored. 'What were you listening to?' Robin said, gesturing towards his headphones.

The boy took it off and handed it to Robin. 'You listen to it.'

So Robin did. 'Oh my god, is that from "Dear Evan Hansen?"'

'Yup.'

'That is such a good musical!' Robin said excitedly, half taking off the headphones so he could listen to it and hear the boy talk at the same time. 'Do you like musicals?'

'I do. You?'

'I love them!' Robin said. 'Sadly, I've never been able to see one in real life, but you have no idea how many times I've rewatched the DVD of Les Miserables my mom got me for my fourteenth birthday.'

'Your mom supports you?' the boy asked.

'Well, she did,' Robin said. 'But she... passed away.'

'Oh my god, I'm so sorry,' the boy said. 'But at least you have nice memories of her, right?'

Robin nodded, but he didn't want to go to that topic. 'Anyway, I didn't catch your name.'

A mischievous glint appeared in the boy's eyes. 'I didn't throw it.'

Robin gasped. 'Okay, JD!'

'Just kidding.' The boy laughed. 'It's Isaac. What's yours?'

'Robin.'

'Well, Robin, I happen to have a spare ticket for Dear Evan Hansen this weekend. Girlfriend broke up with me a couple days ago, so I didn't know whether I should still go or not. I was hoping she'd call me back, but I don't think that's going to happen anymore, so... well, either you take it, or it's going in the trash. You choose.'

'Are you serious?' Robin asked in disbelief.

'Yeah, why not?' Isaac said. 'It's better than going alone.'

'Then, yes,' Robin said. 'Absolutely!'

________________________________________

So, I had that dinner with my dad and it was pretty nice, but we still didn't have a heart-to-heart. I tried opening up about my struggles with autism which have been getting worse, but he looked at me as if I was speaking in alien language. Bro, that dude once went to a psychiatrist and she told him "you are not autistic, you have too much empathy". BITCH WHERE? I certainly can't find it.

Oh right, and when we were going to order, he let me order first cuz "ladies first". Off to a great start. But overlooking that, it was okay. I did feel sad when he left. I spent 3 hours cleaning my apartment, only for him to comment that it was really too small for all of my stuff and laugh about the bathroom I forgot to clean. I mean it was lowkey funny because all the clothes I've worn in the last 5 days were crammed into those 2 cubic metres. But still. He criticizes me so much, as if he ever does any cleaning around the house. 

My dad once told me he had never seen a successful transgender, and that made me determined to prove to him that I could do exactly that. I am already way farther in life than he has ever been, but he only sees what he wants to see. Yet I still keep trying. I try to be perfect in every way, but my mental health is rapidly declining and now that is all he sees: an unstable wreck. And of course he blames that on the fact that I'm trans, and not on the continuous pressure his disappointment in me has burdened me with.

Oh well. Dads, am I right?

Also, not me acting like I know musicals, the only ones I've seen are Annie, The Greatest Showman and Heathers (obsessed with that one). I do know this song tho.