Ashes (Chris Evans)

Bonus Chapter - San Francisco

A/N: Warning - drug use

How did I get here? I don't know. All I know is that as long as I was far away from Chris, I was fine. To an extent. Honestly, fuck him. How could he just fucking kiss me, tell me he wants me, but still date Jenny. Still act like I'm a liability to his image.

Fuck his perfect face. His perfect smile. Teeth. Body...fuck him. I don't need Chris Evans. I'm fucking Phoenix Johansson. I can have whoever the fuck I wanted. And it sure as hell was not going to be Captain fucking America.

He had been calling non stop since I left him at the gas station. Every call, text went unanswered by me. He could fuck off. Finally, I just turned my whole phone off all together. I didn't need it anymore. Plus Chris would call Scar who would freak out and text me non stop. I didn't want that either. I just wanted a line and a drink with a little bit of weed mixed in on top of the pills I took earlier. A mind numbing combination that was much needed.

"Phee! Want another?" I glanced over at Ross and saw him pointing at the table in front of us. White lines. How did he know that's exactly what I wanted. I looked back up at him. How much have I even had today? Was it even today? It was dark. I shrugged and accepted the rolled up bill from him, placing my nose against it and snorting it off the table. I sniffled and felt the drip down my throat. I passed the bill back to him and he took a few more lines. I looked around and realized we were in a club. VIP section of the club. Who were these other people sitting with us? I recognized a few of them to be San Francisco Giants players...that I had slept with...but why would they be in LA?

Am I in San Fran? How the hell did I get here? I reached out to who I knew to be someone named Blake. Next to him were two other guys, Joey and Casey. Blake looked at me and smiled, "where am I?"

"Phee? You're in San Fran? You showed up hours ago?" He laughed slightly. "I'm in San Fran?" "Jesus. How much did you do?" Joey asked. I snapped my head over to him. "She's fine!" I felt a heavy arm on my shoulders and looked at Ross. "She just needs some shots!" He waved over a waitress and ordered a round of shots for the table. Who was paying for this? Was it me? That would be a hard one to explain. In fact. This whole trip would be difficult to explain. Maybe I just shouldn't go home. I'm sure Scarlett and Chris will be fine without me. They can go back to their perfect lives. I'll stay here for the rest of my life.

The shots arrived soon after and I smiled, taking two. "I wanna dance!" I yelled. I reached out and grabbed the arm of someone and dragged him out to the dance floor. It was Casey. I liked Casey.

"Come to my hotel room tonight!" He shouted over the music. "Okay!" I smiled, grinding against him and letting the euphoric feelings take over. The neon lights flashed around the room as the baseline thrummed through the building. The air was thick and infused with a heavy mix of alcohol, sweat, and perfume. It was a chaotic symphony that was strangely comforting to me. It shouldn't have been though.

I lost myself in the music and the dancing as bodies rubbed up against each other. I stood on top of the bar and stripped off my sweaty top, tossing it into the crowd. Shots on top of shots. Lines of coke. Pills. Time seemed to stretch and warp in this club. Hours slipped into moments as the night pressed on. I wrapped my arms around Casey, pressing myself up against him. "Do you wanna get out of here?" "Hell yea." I crashed my lips against his in a messy and toothy kiss. We pulled apart and I looked around the club. The lights blurring everything into just a dazzling display of colors and shapes. Or was that the drugs?

Casey's hand was in mine as we stumbled towards the VIP section and then out into the chilly air. The air not enough to sober me up, but it did send a jolt through my veins. "My place or yours?" Casey asked, his arms wrapped around my waist as he kissed my neck.

I'm not sure how we ended up back at my hotel room but we stumbled in, crashing into things as we made our way to the bed.

It wasn't until the light began to filter in through the windows that I woke up. Looking around the destroyed hotel room, still buzzing from whatever was coursing through my system. It was almost a sensory overload as my mind processed things. I stumbled out of the bed and found my purse, pulling out some more pills. I tossed them back and crawled back into the bed. The world just spinning around me. "Fuck. My head hurts." I looked over at Casey and passed him the pill bottle. "What are these?" "No fucking clue."

Everything was a blur from then on. I mean it had been a blur the whole time but I didn't stop. The more drugs I took and the more alcohol I drank made me numb to the feelings that I had felt before. I didn't want to stop. I was finally numb to it all. Would I regret it in the morning? Probably. Did I care now? Absolutely not. I had finally forgotten about Chris Evans.

A/N: I had this other draft for this chapter that was originally going to go in the story...but it was much worse in terms of Phoenix's 2 day bender, and while it's a good chapter, I didn't want it to be too much so I rewrote it into this one & published it as a bonus chapter 😊