Ashes (Chris Evans)

Chapter 21

"Hey baby." Chris smiled as I leapt into his arms at the airport. I held onto him tightly, not wanting to let go. "Phee?" "Don't put me down." I mumbled into his shoulder. He laughed a little and grabbed the handle of my suitcase and wheeled it out to his car. "Phee, I gotta set you down." I groaned and dropped my legs so he could put the suitcase in the trunk and so I could get in the car. I shoved the sunglasses further up my nose. By now the effects shouldn't be as noticeable...I hope. Plus, I was only moderately jittery. I wouldn't even know where to start if I wanted to get coke in Boston. New York...sure...but Boston?

"That new song was amazing. I saw the videos this morning." He looked over at me quickly and then back at the road. "It felt right." I smiled at him.

"So, why'd you leave Vegas early?" He asked. "I missed you." I reached over and interlocked our fingers. "I missed you too but that's not why you're here. Your next show is in Arizona on Wednesday, baby. And you would've seen me in New York this weekend." He laughed. I groaned and he squeezed my shaky hand.

"Promise you won't get upset?" He gave me the side eye but agreed anyway. "Ididalotofcoke." I spit out at lighting speed.

"What?" "I did...alotofcoke." I said slower, but still quick at the end. "Phoenix..." His voice was full of disappointment as he took a deep breath.

"It wasn't my fault...entirely...?" He glanced at me and then back at the road. "So someone poured the coke in your nose?" "He might as well have." I pulled my hand away from his and crossed my arms over my chest as I leaned back on the seat.

"My drug dealer showed up. Apparently I was with him in San Fran and he has tons of photos of me doing all kinds of drugs and all kinds of.....things. He told me that he missed his favorite client and wanted me to be 'fun again'. He poured out a line of coke and then told me if I didn't do it, that he would release the photos. So I did the drugs but it was so late at that point...that I couldn't sleep, so I had to take more to get me through the show and then get me here."

"Jesus's Phoenix, have you slept??" He asked. "Not since Thursday night..." And it was true. I woke up Friday, had the event Friday night, did the coke, the show was Saturday, and then I came straight here. It was Sunday.

"So this guy-" "Ross." Chris cleared his throat, "Ross. Is threatening to sell those photos? How bad are they?" I could tell he was fighting to remain calm.

I took in a shaky breath. "Bad." I whispered. His face was hard as he gripped the steering wheel tightly.

"But I'm done. I told him that I was done. I had to leave because if I stayed there..."

I watched his jaw clench and unclench a few times. "Chris-" "I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the asshole that blackmailed you." He reached over and grabbed one of my hands again. "I didn't need any more temptation around Vegas and my band. I should have found a NA meeting in Vegas but I just wanted to be here with you. I also wouldn't have been sober and going to an NA meeting hazy from drugs doesn't scream recovery."

"What can we do?" "Nothing. I can't go to a lawyer or police-" "Why not??"

"He's a drug dealer, Chris! He has connections. He could ruin my life." I raised my voice a little. He didn't get it. The dirt Ross had on people like me was astronomical. If he wanted to ruin my life, he could. Hell, he could have drugs planted on me or in my home and get me arrested. If I snitched on him, he would no doubt take me down with him.

"Phoenix I can't watch you almost kill yourself from drugs! Not again." A look of sadness flashed through his blue eyes as his grip tightened on my hand. He was scared to lose me.

"I don't want them! I want to be clean. I'm trying." I held his hand tightly.

"And how many times have you said that? How many times have you said you don't want them and then gone and drowned yourself in them??" If he wasn't upset before, he was now. "That's not fair." "Fair?? Phoenix. You've been to rehab twice! Clearly something's not working." His voice cracked slightly.