Ashes (Chris Evans)

Chapter 9

My eyes dart around the stark white room. I take in a deep breath, feeling the crip white sheets against my skin. I feel a knot form in my stomach as a knock sounds on the door. "Phoenix, we're meeting in 10 minutes." They said. I sighed and looked around the room. The walls are painted a stark white, and there's a small window with white drapes, letting in a soft light. I played with the ends of my sweatshirt as I sat on the twin bed. The room was sparse. Nothing but a twin bed, nightstand with a lamp, and a dresser. There's a small closet in the corner with a few hangers, but mostly empty except for the clothes Scarlett sent with me.

I hadn't spoken to Chris. In fact, I blocked his number. I felt used and dirty. He had a girlfriend. All I was to him was Scarlett's drug addicted little sister. Nothing more than someone he used to get his dick wet and satisfy his needs. I wasn't special to him and I probably never would be.

My mind wandered back to the last conversation I had with Scarlett and Ralph.

"They have pictures of Phoenix snorting coke in a club bathroom. It's damning. They plan to release the images to the public." Ralph said, looking between Scarlett and I. Scarlett looked towards the lawyers, "Is there anything we can do?" "Unfortunately no. They have the right to release those photos."

"They're saying your tour got canceled for your drug addiction. I tried to tell them that wasn't the truth but they didn't believe me. Not after the photos."

"So tell the truth." I whispered. My eyes met Ralph's. "Phee-" "I'm sick of hiding behind a lie. I'm a drug addict. My tour got canceled because I was unresponsive and almost dead in my hotel room. I won't lie to my fans, not again." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Okay. We can put a statement out from your account. We'll explain what happened last time and then say you're going back to rehab and the tour will go as planned if everything goes well."

"She's not going on that tour!" Scarlett said. "Scar..." "No, Phoenix. The last one almost killed you." I placed my hand on top of her own and gave it a comforting squeeze. "Whether you like it or not Scarlett, she's under contract to do the tour. It's that or buy out the contract. Phoenix might be a millionaire at the age of 26 but she can't afford this. Her career would take a blow." Ralph explained. "I'll do the tour. It'll be fine." Scarlett huffed and looked at me. "Then you go to rehab."

"I'll go."

I swing my legs over the side of the bed, feeling a wave of anxiety wash over me. I'm overwhelmed by the unfamiliar surroundings, the thought of not being able to leave, and the fact that I'm here for addiction. I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.

I finally stand up and walk out of the door to make my way to group therapy. As we sit in a circle, everyone introduces themselves and shares their stories. I feel a sense of comfort in knowing I'm not alone. It's overwhelming, but I know I need to do this. We are all facing each other and taking turns sharing our experiences and feelings. It can be an emotional roller coaster for me, as I hear stories of addiction, pain, and heartbreak. Sometimes, I feel like I can relate so well to these strangers, that I forget that we all come from different walks of life.

The therapist leading the group encourages us to support one another and be honest about our struggles. There are times when I feel scared or embarrassed to share, but I know that I need to open up if I am going to make progress in my recovery.

I took a deep breath and looked around the circle of faces. Some looked apprehensive, others sympathetic. But they were all here to help me. I had to trust them.

"Hi, my name is Phoenix and I'm a drug addict." I said, my voice shaking slightly. "I started using drugs when I went on my first world tour at 21. Then I was just a young girl and her guitar. I never realized just how demanding it would become. It was harder than I ever could have imagined. The constant pressure and the schedule. I turned to drugs. They made it easier. At first, it was just a little bit of coke here and there to keep me going through the long hours. But then it turned into something more. I started experimenting with other drugs, and before I knew it, I was spiraling out of control."

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I fought them back.

"My music started changing as a result," I continued. "I started making music that was more edgy, more out there. It was a reflection of what I was going through and how I was feeling. But I was losing myself. I was losing my fans. I felt like I was losing everything." I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes. "In the end, everything worked out great. The press and fans liked the evolution of my music. I was on cloud 9. But it was too late. I was already relying on the drugs. I felt like I needed them to make people happy, to perform in a way they liked. It wasn't until my second album tour that I hit rock bottom."

I took a deep breath in. The leader of the group encouraged me to go on as I felt sympathetic eyes on me. "The second tour was harder than the first. More people, more stops, more advanced routines...I couldn't do any of it without drugs. I was in a haze. About halfway through the tour, I had a wild night. My drummer found me unresponsive in my hotel room and I woke up a few days later in the hospital." Tears began falling from my face. "I couldn't stop thinking about my sister. How I failed her and how scared she was. Then there were fans. They were so disappointed. I was a failure...my team lied and said it was just something with my health and rescheduled the tour. I hated lying but they said I didn't have a choice. Anyway, I went to rehab for the first time. It stuck for two months before I turned back to what I knew." I shrugged and looked around at the group.

"I spiraled out of control again. Went on a bender that I don't remember. I want to get better, I want to be better...and that's why I'm here."

There was a moment of silence before someone spoke up. "Thank you for sharing your story, Phoenix," a woman said. "It takes a lot of courage to do that. But know that you're not alone. We're all here to support you." I gave her a soft smile as others around the circle agreed. The session carried on as I chewed on my bottom lip.

After it ended, I felt emotionally drained. I wanted my sister. I walked back to my room and laid down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. A soft knock pulled me out of my thoughts. "Come in." I said. One of the nurses poked her head in. "Phoenix, you have a visitor." My eyebrows furrowed together. "I thought I wasn't allowed visitors?" I asked her. She shrugged and I followed her out of the room and into one of the private rooms. "Thanks." I mumbled and pushed the door open. I looked at the person standing in the room. "Hi, Phoenix!"