Ashes (Chris Evans)

Chapter 18

Chris went back to Boston the next morning and I ended up in Las Vegas a few days later getting ready for the second show. Next would be Arizona.  After that was New York...then Boston.

"James?! Have you seen my- Nevermind!" I yelled looking around the hotel suite. We were at Caesars Palace and staying in what Luke called the 'iconic hangover suite'. I picked up my earrings and saw Luke and Nate playing a video game. "Where's Ralph?" I asked. "Not sure, he should be here soon though." Nate said. "SHIT! YOU DICK!" Luke yelled as Nate killed him in their game.

"You owe me a line." Nate said, shoving his shoulder. I watched as they spread some white powder on the coffee table and cut it up with a card. I stared at it, my heart race increasing. For a moment, I was tempted. The memories flooded back to me of the euphoria and escape that came with it. "Shit man, Phee.." Nate whispered, nudging Luke. My eyes were fixed on the thin white lines. "It's fine." I nodded and gave them a fake smile, shaking my head. I knew that going down that path would only lead to darkness. I took a deep breath and reminded myself of all the progress I had made. I had worked so hard and I couldn't let a moment of weakness undo all that. I excused myself from the room and walked outside onto the balcony, letting the cool night air wash over me. I closed my eyes and took a few more deep breaths, grounding myself in the present moment.

I pulled out my phone and called Chris. "Hey baby..." He answered on the second ring. "Hey...I need to talk." I took deep breaths, trying to steady my breathing. "Hey, Phee. You're alright. What happened?" His voice was full of concern. "We're just getting ready to go to an appearance here in Vegas. The literal city of alcohol and drugs...Chris..." My voice shook. "You'll be fine, Phee, you're strong." "Nate and Luke are doing coke. They forgot I was clean." I whispered. He sighed. "I love you Phee, if the event is too much, you can leave." I nodded and realized he couldn't see me. "I will. I love you too." "When do you have to go?" "In 20 minutes. It's at a club." "Are you singing?" "Yea." "What are you singing?" I knew he was trying to distract me from my own head, and it was working. I loved him for that. "Dangerous Woman and 34 +35." I could tell he was smiling. "Baby...you know that's my favorite song..." I laughed a little and felt better already. "I love you." "I love you too, baby." He blew a kiss through the phone and I smiled as we hung up.

I walked back inside with the guys and saw Ralph had now joined. "Phee...we didn't-" "It's fine. I'm good." I smiled at them and they nodded. "Are we ready to go? Limo's downstairs." Ralph asked. He was met with a chorus of yes's and we made our way down to the lobby. Fans flocked towards me and I took pictures and signed autographs as best I could. Ralph ushered me into the limo and I waved at the crowd.

The limo pulled up in front of the club I was appearing at and we were met by bouncers that took us inside. The line was massive. All of these people were here to see me. As I make my way to the stage, I can feel the eyes of the crowd on me. My heart races as I step onto the platform. The beat pounds in my ears, and I can feel my body already moving to the rhythm. "Phoenix Johansson!!" The DJ announces and the crowd roars. "Hello everybody!! I'm so thrilled to be here in Las Vegas! Let's get this party started!!" I shouted. The stage was already set up for my band and we quickly started with 34 +35.

The lights flash all around me, illuminating the sea of faces in front of me. The energy in the room is electric, and I can't help but feel the rush of adrenaline. This is why I do what I do, to connect with people through music. We finished the first song before moving to Dangerous Woman. That's when I decided to join the crowd, despite the protests from Ralph and security. This was once a place of comfort for me. I loved moving my hips, lost in a sweaty crowd. The crowd went wild and I continued to sing my heart out. The temptation to give into old habits slowly grew inside of me.

The song ends and I throw the microphone back up on the stage and remain in the crowded room. "Let's party!!" I shout.

Eventually I made my way out of the crowd and to the rented VIP section. Booze and drugs flowing there. I plopped down on the couch next to James and leaned my head against his shoulder. "I love it here! I feel at home!" I shouted over the booming music. "Phee, have you taken anything?" He asked. I shook my head and held up my drink. "Just tequila." "Good, I need you awake and alive for the show tomorrow." He said. I smiled and kissed his cheek. "Thank you for looking out for me." "Someone has too, those idiots can't." He motioned towards Nate and Luke with his head who were doing lines of coke off of some models ass.

I shook my head and laughed. "I'm going to head back to the hotel. Gotta rest these pipes." I smiled and stood up, saying goodbye to everyone and ordering myself an uber black. I walked out and took pictures with as many people as I could as I left the club. The driver arrived and I quickly got inside. "Caesars Palace?" He asked. "Yes please." I smiled at him and he took me back to the hotel. "Thank you so much!" The security at the hotel led me to the elevator through the lobby of fans.

"Phoenix, I've been expecting you." I looked in the direction of the voice as I shut the hotel room door behind me. "Ross? What are you doing here?" "Well, I missed my favorite junkie."