Ashes (Chris Evans)

Chapter 19

"Well, I missed my favorite junkie." He said, smiling at me like there was nothing wrong. "Ross, I'm clean. I'm in a good place...for the most part" He scoffed and got up off the chair. "How is that any fun, Phee." He reached over to caress my cheek but I slapped his hand away. "It's not supposed to be fun. I can't keep spiraling out of control."

"Oh come on, we had a great time in San Francisco." He said, walking around the hotel room. San Francisco...I was with Ross??? Oh my god. "You were with me?" I asked. "Of course I was with you, Phoenix. We had an amazing time."

"Where were you when I woke up??" "You really don't remember?" I shook my head and he motioned to the couch. "Have a seat, I'll tell you." I slowly sat down on the couch and he leaned back in the chair. "Where to start...hmm, okay. You came over to my house at about 9pm, completely pissed off I might add, and started screaming about someone being an 'asshole, cheating douchebag'." I shrugged. "Sounds about right." I mumbled. "I didn't know what you meant because I thought you were single...but it didn't matter. We smoked some weed to calm you down and then we took some molly."

"Jesus, Ross. I took a handful of pills before I even came to you. Not to mention the constant drip of coke throughout the day." He laughed and shook his head. "Shit, Phee. No wonder you don't remember." "Just tell me how we got to San Francisco."

"Right. I said 'lets go to the club' and you said 'lets go to San Fran' so who was I to tell you no. You're Phoenix Johansson, you do what you want. We hopped on a private jet and went wild. Booze, drugs, models, some of the San Francisco Giants showed up. I know you're popular with baseball players. You've surely been around the Dodgers." I glared at him and he held up his hands. "I'm just stating the facts. Anyway, you left the club with one of them. I didn't see you until the next day but we partied all the same and you went home with a different guy. I went home with a few models if you know what I mean." Jesus.

"Ross, I don't remember any of that..." "Shame, it was a good time." I scoffed and crossed my arms against my chest. "How is not remembering two days of my life a good time?" "Phee, loosen up. You had a great time, see." He handed me his phone and sure enough there were photos of me snorting coke, doing shots, dancing on tables, stripping?...photos of me basically acting completely unhinged. "Ross you need to delete those." "No way, and you know why...? Because I want my unhinged little birdy back." He leaned forward on the chair and poured out some cocaine on the table. "Now, you're gonna put your pretty little nose against the table and join me for some fun in Vegas."

"Ross, I have a show tomorrow." "And to be honest, you actually perform better on the coke, so I don't see the issue here." I stared at the powder on the table and then looked back at Ross. "Just a line." Except it wouldn't be, it would be so much more than that.

"Look, I like you Phoenix, I do. But you're better on the drugs. So, you can either take a nice little line or I can sell these photos to the highest bidder. Your choice." I shook my head and he groaned. "Fine. I'll make you a deal. You do this line and if you still believe you're better off without the drugs by the end of your Vegas show, I'll leave you alone." My hands started shaking as my eyes were fixed on the table in front of me. "You know you want it. No one's even going to know...they'll all be as high as you." He whispered. "You'll see, your show will be better because of it."

My heart pounded in my chest. It was just a line of coke. I'd be fine. I could do the show, tell Ross I didn't need it and he'd leave me alone. He wouldn't sell the pictures. He might be a drug dealer and a piece of shit person, but I know he's sincere. If I did this and told him I didn't want it after Vegas...he would leave me alone. It was all a game. He liked games. "I'll do it." He smiled and clapped his hands together. "But just this. Then I'm done." "Like I said. You tell me you still don't want it after Vegas, I'm gone." I leaned towards the table and he handed me a rolled up dollar bill. "I mean it, I'm done after this." He held his hands up in surrender and I snorted the line. It burned. I felt the drip down my throat immediately.

"I'll just leave this here for you." He said, standing up and dropping a dime bag on the table. "See you at the show, Phee." He walked out of the hotel room and I couldn't stop shaking. What the fuck have I done?

My hands started shaking as I stood up and walked into my room. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I messed with my phone and immediately tried to call Chris. I hung up after the first ring. I couldn't tell him this shit. What the fuck would I even say...'Hey Chris, my drug dealer showed up and basically blackmailed me into snorting cocaine!' "FUCK!" I yelled and threw my shoes across the room. I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. My pupils were blown out and I could already feel the effects. I was completely alert and restless. My heart was pounding in my chest as I splashed water on my face.

My phone started ringing and I saw Chris's face pop up. Fuck my life.

"Hey baby!" "Phee? Is everything alright?" He sounded sleepy. "Yea. Yea. Nope. Everything is great. Just peachy. Peachy. Peachy. I don't know why I called you. Everything is fine." I said quickly into the phone. "Phee, are you drunk?" "Totally. Totally drunk. I'm sorry, I woke you up. I didn't mean to. I realized it was late, like 3am kind of late. I'm sorry." 

"Phoenix..." "Chris!" He sighed, "Alright, Phee. Go to bed." "I will. I am doing that. Right now. Bed. Did you know that I think you're handsome and I love you?" He laughed a little, "I did know that Phee. I love you too. Goodnight." "Goodnight!" I shouted and the call ended. That could have gone better. At least I was actually drunk in addition to the cocaine.

It's fine. I'm fine. It'll be fine. It wasn't a lot. I've done this before a million times. Everything will be fine.