Love, Aurora

|30|

M I L O

Fine, I'll do what she wants.

She wants to push me away? I'll go.

No, im joking. Even if I wanted to, I could never. I won't let her push me away and I won't let her deny her feelings and I'm going crazy.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

I roll my eyes. "Im going back to my room, ill see you later."

"What? You aren't even drunk yet." Xavier says.

"Alright, bye, cowboy." I say, shaking my head.

"Its Woody, from 'Toy Story' man, come on." He groans.

"You look fucking stupid, Woody." I mumble. I head back to my dorm and take off all this stupid makeup off of me.

Dressing up as The Joker was probably a big mistake. But then again, the feeling of people telling me that my 'girlfriend' and I look great? I wished more than anything that it was true.

I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do about Rora. Atleast I know the feelings aren't one sided.

But if she keeps pushing me away, I dont know how im going to get her to give in.

She's so damn stubborn and persistent and it just had to be her, hadn't it?

I don't even think she knows how crazy I am over her. And I get that it's probably my fault for making her overthink about this but I haven't even thought of any other girl other than her. She's the only one on mind.

She's there all the time. When I'm sleeping, in class, eating. All the fucking time.

She can't be that blind, can she? She knows how I feel now and it's up to her.

The next time I see Rora is the day after Halloween. Today's the first of November, which means it's now 'thanks giving' season.

The cold outside hasn't been any better. Because now I have a cold.

And I hate being sick. It's my worst damn nightmare. I hate feeling weak and having everyone hand things to me.

Xavier locked me in my room, unfortunately so I can't go out.

"If you step out of this room to go race your stupid car, I'll cut you up and make myself dinner." Xavier warns.

I run a hand down my face. Shit, I really am burning up. "You are not the boss of me."

"Today, I am. So get back in bed."

"No."

"Milo, for fuck's sake, get back in bed or ill lock you in here."

"I dare you."

He did end up locking me up, so now, im staring at the blank wall.

Is this what it feels like to be in jail?

Now I'm thinking about jail, that's fucking amazing-

The sound of my door unlocking brings me back to reality, where I'm not in jail but in my room. Rora walks in and laughs at me.

I roll my eyes. "Get the hell out."

She only closes the door behind her and it's now I notice the bag she brought with her. She takes out a container of soup and checks my temperature.

I push her hand away. "You don't get to take care of me."

She shoves the thing in my mouth. "Id appreciate it if you shut up."

After a minute or two, she takes it out and sighs. "40 degrees, Milo. You're burning up."

"No shit."

She glares at me. "Are you seriously mad at me?"

"Yeah, I am, and I have every right to be." I say.

She sighs. "We'll talk about this when you're better."

"You know what we'll talk about, Aurora? We'll talk about how this is 'too much' for you and we'll stop talking. This is what you always do, you run away from things."

She sighs. "I told you I'm sorry-"

"And I don't accept it." I say. "I know I hurt you, so damn much. I know, Rora. But I'll change. I won't hurt you, you have to trust me on this."

"You want to do this now?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Fine, Milo. Fine." She says. "You know  how you are, right? You jump from girl to girl everyday. You're surrounded by girls. You've never been in a serious relationship in your life before. How do I know you won't go off and cheat on me?"

The things coming out of her mouth broke me.

"And you ever think of what's next? Think of the future, Milo- and don't tell me to 'live the present' because if I get with you, i won't be able to knowing its just a casual thing because what I feel for you isn't casual. We're doing our senior year, Milo. We have to go to college- and no, you and I both know we can't do long distance so don't say it."

I am still again quiet.

She sighs. "Milo, you and I wouldn't last. I'd be broken if you and I broke up and I don't want to both neither of us through it."

I clench my jaw. "Are you done? Because its my turn now."

"Go ahead."

"First of all, you're fucking stupid if you think ill cheat on you, you know that? I don't even look at other girls anymore because I'm too busy looking at you. If you tell me I'll get over it, you're wrong. I could look at you for days and id be happy to. I wouldn't even glance at other girls because having you is worth so much more than a thousand girls so if you even think of me cheating on you, just know how stupid you sound because you don't know half of the shit I feel for you."

"And college? I'd give all of it up for you. I'd do it for you."

At this point, she was crying. "I won't let you do that. You won't do that."

"I will."

She let's out a shaky breath. "I have have go, okay? I'll see you at the dance."

I let her go this time.

I sit on my bed and think about what the hell just happened.

She really thinks I'd cheat on her? Fuck, I dont even think of other girls anymore.

I don't think I could fix this, even if I wanted to.