Lessons in love

chapter 41- not now

Taking a deep breath, dianne stood outside the door to the spare bedroom which had now adopted the new name of 'Joe's bedroom'. It always did when they argued and their last argument had been no exception. It had been going so well but it suddenly blew up and they hadn't spoken. To return to that pattern again was something they didn't want to do but after going a while totally stuck together, they were both finding comfort being so far apart. They had completely ignored eachother for a week and now as dianne entered week 34 of her pregnancy, a week which was extremly close to the end, closer than she thought, she needed him. But she was neevous. She knew one of them had to make that first move and before they had always managed to come back but she was scared. It was different this time round. She was much further along and she knew full well she had been horrible to him. She had done wrong and she wanted to say sorry but to build the courage up for that was difficult. That wasn't what she wanted him for though. Something much more serious was going on.

Taking another deep breath, she pushed herself againts the door and crept in making Joe's head immediately jerk up.

"Joe...."

"Yes....."
He spoke bitterly, not softly like he usually did. She didn't like it. She didn't want him to be like this.

"I feel sick"
She hadn't felt sick in a while. That feeling had gone when she had just left her first trimester, it fully left when she hit around 16 weeks. To be feeling sick now at 34 weeks wasn't meant to be happening.

"And I have a head ache"
That was something she hadn't experienced in a light time either.

"Ok....get a paracetamol then. You're allowed to have just one"
He was still feeling upset about how she had treated him the week before. It was a big thing for him. He had wanted to help her and she had gotten so angry. Now she was asking for help, he didn't want things to repeat and her get angry this time round if he accidentally did something wrong. He wanted a proper apology not for the situation to be completely ignored which was what he felt was happening right now.

"Ok....."
She signed realising he clearly wasn't ready to talk to her yet which she understood but it also made her angry. All the other times she understood but now she was in pain. She was far along now, the baby was going to be here within the next 6 or 7 weeks and he wasn't prepared to do anything to help her despite her having a headache and feeling sick which were both things she hadn't felt in a long time.

She left him in the spare room, turning around and making her way to the kitchen. Pouring herself a small glass of water, she popped the one paracetamol she was allowed hoping it would help the headache but knew the sick feeling definitely would be staying. She swallowed it down, her eyes becoming fuzzy. She had to rebalance herself, a feeling almost as if she was going to faint hitting her. She put the water onto the countertop, but that dizzy fainting feeling didn't go. The lights went all blurry in the kitchen, signing brightly and like starts rather than dim flicks of lights like they should of been. It hurt her head but she went and sat down, needing the paracetamol to kick in quickly.
Turing on the tv, she tried to look through for something to watch but her eyes were blurred. Everything was fuzzy and upside down and pixelated. This wasn't what should be going on at 34 weeks. She had felt fine all week but something this morning had gradually come on getting worse and worse throught the day and now that she had eaten dinner, it seemed to be 100 times worse. But that wasn't the worst part.

The fact joe didn't want to help or the fact he didn't even seem interested hurt her. She knew he could just be seeing it as pregnancy symptoms and he was also angry but she did think that it would worry him. Why wouldnt he be? His heavily pregnant girlfriend was feeling sick and had a headache. It was only a minor problem, a normal symptom of pregnancy but he had been so overprotective. When she had her first bout of morning sickness she could remember how worried he had been, so worried that it caused a massive argument between them. The one that triggered memories of her eating disorder and left them in a similar situation to what they were now. Distant. Having not talked for a whole week.

Deciding she wasn't satisfied with his answer to the fact she was feeling the way she was, she turned off the very fuzzy tv, struggling with her fazed eyesight to find the off button but she eventually did, she made her way back to the spare room.

"I feel really unwell"
She spoke softly as she opened the door, praying that this time he would react in a better way.

"Maybe because you're pregnant. Theres not much I can do, even if I wanted to"
He said giving her a definite indication to how he was feeling about their argument the previous week. He was still hurt but apologising wasnt her priority right now. She had to put herself first in this situation.

"I think somethings wrong"
She was worried. She knew she shouldn't be feeling like this. It wasn't normal. She felt like she was back in her first trimester. It wasn't good.

"I'm sure there's nothing wrong. Come here"
He said but not in his usual caring way. It was weird but she walked towards him, sitting on the bed and he placed his hand on her forehead.

"Maybe take of your dressing gown and your socks. Its august and you feel hot. Then go to bed, get some sleep, you'll probably feel better when you wake up"
She expected him to be kinder. She wanted him to be but the way he spoke seemed careless, like he wanted to get rid of her and be left alone.

"Ok......well, goodnight"
She stood up, pausing before she left.

"I love you...."
He didn't reply, leaving her with no other option but to leave and go to get ready for bed. Making her way to the bathroom she took off her dressing gown, hanging it on the back of the door before sitting on the edge of the bath and pulling of her socks noticing instantly her fleeting were unusually bigger than they usually were. Her feet had definitely swollen up since she had gotten pregnant but not like this. This was abnormal but she chose to ignore it. It was something she had got constantly throughout pregnancy and maybe this was just the worst time yet. Standing up to brush her teeth, she felt a strain in her stomach but this wasn't like a kick or a flutter. It hit the top of her stomach, very much near her ribs which was unusual. She normally felt it in her lower abdomen, not in the middle of her ribcage. It hurt and therefore she waddled, not walked over to the sink hoping to brush her teeth before she went to bed bur as she reached for her toothbrush, she felt a pain shoot through the lower part of her stomach and a pinch like feeling, a sudden wet feeling soaking her legs and then the floor.

"JOE......"
She shouted and loud hoping he would get out of bed to come and help her but knowing how he was feeling she wasn't sure whether he would.
Surely the pain in her voice would be enough to make him want to help her.

But it wasnt....

"JOE...."
She shouted louder this time.

"JOSEPH....."
And then a few moments later he appeared in the doorway to the bathroom, faced with a sight he wasn't expecting to see. She was hunched over arms crossed and leant againts the bathroom sink, as she swahed back and forth, feet in some sort of puddle on the floor which seemed to come from her very wet pyjama bottoms.

"I think my waters have broke......."

"This shouldn't be happening, I'm only 34 weeks"

"JOE....do something, will you? I....AHHHH,

"I think I'm in labour....."