Lessons in love

chapter 8- it was him

17th december 2023

Nothing had changed.
As more and more time went on, joe didn't begin to feel happier, if anything he felt worse. With absolutely no contact with dianne now since that message she sent zoe, had had been nothing but worried. From that very short text, she didn't seem ok. It was like she wanted to shut the whole world out, but he felt like that too. He wanted to be alone, which was why he found himself in the situation he was now. His best friend infront of him, practically begging.

Caspar was getting married soon. And per tradition, he was having a typical stag do. A night out in london which was also very similar to what ambar was doing on this night too.
It was an easy decision to have both their stag and hen party on the same night. It was a day themselves and all their friends had off work, it was just before all the madness of Christmas and before everyone went home for the holidays. It was perfect as both parties began to get ready to go all out on opposite ends of the city. Well, trying to get ready. For caspar he had everyone waiting, his friends from home, youtube friends, and everyone in between outside the doors of his house, all sat in a row of ubers patiently waiting for joe to come out the house where they had their pre drinks.

Really, he didn't want to go out at all, let alone on a stag in central london, making their way around the bars and clubs. It had been a challenge just to get him to the pre drinks. He was very hurt inside. Upset still from his breakup and all the boys understood that, but joe was best man and a stag do without him just wouldn't be the same. Joe knew deep down he would be fine, but still worried he would get too drunk and do something stupid which he would regret. Something which would hurt dianne.

"What was that joe?"
Caspar asked, sitting down next to his best friend, who's eyes hadn't left the floor in a good 20 minutes.

"I said, what if I get too carried away?"

"What do you mean?"
Caspar asked. It was clear to see joe was worried about tonight. It was really the first time he had properly gone out since everything had happened, apart from maybe a small trip to the shops, so this was a big step for him and he was nervous.

"Well...before I met dot, i had...like, I drank alot didn't I"
He began nervously.

"And when I drink I do stupid things. Everyond knows that. I don't want to get too drunk and....I'm just very, I don't want to admit it but I'm vulnerable caspar. I'm not in a good frame of mind and for me to have one too many drinks and do something stupid, it's a possibility. A big possibility"
He panicked.

"You still love her dont you?"
Joe paused. He didn't expect caspar to respond like that and it definitely took him by surprise.

Alot had happened in the past few weeks and he had thought alot. He definitely hated what she did, the way she dealt with it, he had lost alot of respect for her, but there was one thing for sure that hadn't changed...there were still feelings there. His love for her couldnt go just like that. This was only an argument, an argument that ended abruptly. It wasn't like she had hurt his family or had ran off to australia to live without him forever, it was an argument which was about something that was in hindsight, small. After all, he had spent 5 years of his life with her and expected to spend forever with. It wasn't that long before their breakup that they had talks about having a family. So not only had he lost her, but he had lost the opportunity to be a dad and that hurt because he had only ever wanted to do that, since he met her. She had taken that chance away from him by ending everything, but then again it was his fault and he knew that. He hated her for it, but he hadn't stopped thinking about her in the way he always had done.

"I wouldn't say it was love"

"Ok....well then, let's just say hypothetically tonight a girl comes up to you at a bar and you start talking and she asks if you want to go home with her, would you?"
Caspar asked.