Lessons in love

chapter 29- changes

"If there is anything else we can get you just let us know, enjoy your stay"
The drive had been quiet, almost silent, from the second he had picked her up. It wasn't an awkward silence but it was more that neither of them knew what to do or what to say. A simple hello was exchanged, a few more questions had been asked about why dianne had booked this trip but apart from that it had been quiet and neither of them liked it.
This was a chance to amend things and neither of them knew where to start.

"Thank you"
Joe smiled at the employee who had shown them around before to diannes surprise, taking her hand.
Then they were left alone, in this place to make memories. Good ones, she had hoped. She now understood why this was called a make or break holiday. This would either make or break them. This was their time to talk things through and get back on track.

"I'm sorry"
She spoke quietly not knowing if it was the right thing to say. She didn't know what she had done wrong, but she didn't know what he had done wrong either. They didn't know why things kept going wrong and that was the tricky thing. What were they here to work on?

"No, I'm sorry....let's enjoy this little trip"
He brought her in, holding her close to his chest, arms wrapped around her tightly.

"We need to have more of a proper conversation than sorry"
She told him as much as she didn't want to have that chat. It wasn't going to be easy but they needed to work on this.

"I know...."
His hands ran up the sides of her body, coming to brush some hair out the way of her face.

"Maybe we should unpack a few things and then go on a walk, maybe to the beach or something"
He suggested.

"No....I think we need to talk now"
She told him. Her nerves were overwhelming and she couldnt wait. She needed to talk. They did. This wasnt something that could wait any longer, it had already been a long wait.
They sat down, not closely but close enough. Close so that they could look at eachother directly. This was a conversation long overdue and it needed to be taken seriously, so she began to take ownership by starting.

"I dont want this to be a long soppy chat about how sorry we are joe and then make up, we quickly need to accept each others apology and then we need to make some serious changes"
She told him. This would have to be a turning point in their relationship. Alot would have to change because if it didn't, then what was this? Would it even be worth it? This was called a make or break holiday for a reason. This would either make them or break them and it definitely would break them if they didn't change what they were doing. These arguments, the habit of spending weeks without talking, the constant switching of feelings all had to stop otherwise she would be on her own in 6 months time with their baby. It wasn't something she wanted to experience on her own. She wanted him.

"Ok, but I am sorry though for everything. I dont really know how to express it because theres nothing I can say or give to show you how sorry I am"
He told her.

"I know and I'm sorry too. I know I keep blaming you for alot but I've messed up too and after my chat with nora i realised that pretty quickly. I'm doing this too, it's not just you, I'm hurting the both of us and I've been stupid. I want you yo forgive me and I want to make this better for the both of us and for raspberry"
She told him quoting the nickname she has given them back in their announcement video.

"Of course, we need to do this for them. I dont want them to grow up with us not together, it's never what I imagined our kids to go through"
He said.

"I'm the same...its not a nice thing to imagine. That's why we need to talk about what's going to happen from now on because we need to reverse what's going on now. We need to...fall in love again"
That was what she was finding hardest. She had loved him for so long and now she was scared to love him. For either of them to say those three little words would change everything and it could go either way. That's why she was scared. She didn't want it to ruin things. Love was powerful and it bad the potential to ruin them.