Risk // Sebastian Sallow

Chapter 14: Detention*

"Well, Sebastian. Unfortunately you haven't really given me anything to even consider making myself off-limits to others."

He scoffed at me loudly, "Why would I commit myself to you when you can't even make up your mind between who you want to be with?"

"So, you want to be with me?"

"Well... I-uh..."

I finally had Sebastian tripping over his words. He was stunned. Beating him at his own game was something I relished in.

"I can't be in a relationship with you, if that's what you're asking." He finally composed himself enough to speak.

Safe to say, it wasn't the answer I was expecting and it was rather disappointing.

"Then why would I consider giving up something that could be real and meaningful with Garreth for someone who can't even commit to being with me?" I replied, my frustration evident in my voice.

Sebastian looked taken aback by my response, "It's not that simple, Olive. I have my reasons. But if you want to risk hurting Garreth when he finds out what you've been doing, don't blame me."

He shoved past me and made his way back to the common room.

"For fucks sake..." I mumbled.

I followed him in and chased him down, catching him just as he entered his dormitory.

"Can you at least tell me why you can't be in a relationship?" I demanded.

"No," He said, avoiding looking at me and digging through his abundance of books and trunk to gather what he needed for class.

"Why?" I pressed.

"I told you. It's not that simple." His voice was growing louder.

"Sebastian, we've been friends for years now, the least you can do is tell me why so I can try and stop these feelings I have."

He stopped digging through his trunk and looked up at me. His brown eyes looked softer than moments earlier.

"Feelings?"

"Yes, Sebastian. Feelings. For you."

Sebastian's eyes widened in surprise, and for a moment, he seemed at a loss for words. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, terrified of his response. But I had come this far, and I needed to be honest with him.

"If you don't feel the same way, that's fine," I continued, trying to steady my voice. "But I can't keep pretending like I don't have these feelings for you. It's not fair to you, to me, or to Garreth. I need to know where we stand."

"Olive, I have had feelings for you pretty much since the moment I laid my eyes on you, why do you think I fuck around with you? But I've repressed them all this time. And I'll continue to do it... because I told myself I would never let anyone get close to me again. I can't do it, and I won't. I've lost too many people already. So I'll happily give you the pleasure I know you seek, but I cannot be with you emotionally. I'm sorry."

My heart sank as I listened to Sebastian's words. A part of me was relieved that he finally acknowledged his feelings for me, but at the same time, I was heartbroken by his refusal to let anyone get close to him emotionally. It was clear that he carried deep wounds from his past, and my heart ached for him.

"I understand Sebastian, I really do and I am truly sorry that your life so far has led you to feel this way. I'll never force you to do anything you don't want to, as much as it breaks my heart."

He looked away, unable to meet my gaze again. "I appreciate that, Olive. But this is the way it has to be."

The disappointment clung to my heart and I had to tell myself this was not worth shedding a tear over.