Breaking Habits

Chapter 42- Beth- Habit Broken

Two weeks ago, Micah took me home from the hospital. Since then, he's always with me. I've taken time off work to recover because I'm still shook up. When I sleep, I get nightmares about Dante. It's driving Micah insane. I can tell by his mood and his eyes. They're filled with turmoil.

He barely goes to work these days because he's going out of his way to spend time with me. I know it inconveniences him but I love how caring he's being.

Sometimes though, I feel like he's hiding something. Few days ago, I walked in on him discussing work with his friends and the conversation was cut short. I didn't catch the full details but it had something to do with the government. From what I heard; it sounds serious.

Yesterday, we ate out, and over dinner he told he had something important to say. I asked what it was but he said he was waiting for the right time, and I feel like it's running out.

"What are you thinking about Bae?" His deep voice buzzing in my ear fills me with comfort.

We're wrapped in each other tonight and his hazel eyes are calm, but I see worry buried in the pretty colours. Reaching out, I stroke his cheek then kiss him. "you..."

He smiles deeply, and it makes butterflies take off in my tummy. I have a strong need to say how much I love him but for some reason, I'm hesitating.

"... and how much I want you inside me."

Groaning keenly, he pulls me closer, then his hands start smoothing around my side. I love when he touches me. "You're not ready yet."

"I am Micah..."

Before I can say anything else, he rolls on top of me to take position of my mouth.

"You're not ready because you're still afraid Beth. When I take you again, I only want me in your mind."

We haven't had sex since the attack. His reason is my mind. He's making sure I have no delayed stress and I keep telling him that I'm fine, but like tonight, he's keeping control.

"I'm always ready for you Micah."

Bracing forwards, he dips his face in my neck. "Tell me what you want Beth."

Without hesitation, I say, "you and only you."

Growling he kisses me again. "Do you trust me?" He pulls back and when I look at him, the worry in eyes is more prominent.

"I do," I answer wondering why he asked that. "What's going on?"

Sighing, he looks away and I grasp his face back so I can see his eyes. "Tell me."

"This isn't how I imagine it Beth-"

"Imagine what Micah?" The chaos in his eyes made me kiss him again.

"I have to go away for work and I don't know how long for."

My heart misses a beat hearing that, and seeing my reaction, he drops his head on my chest. "I don't want to leave you but I have to do this Beth."

"Why?"

I get angry that the bubble that we've been living is broken, so I slide away to get off the bed. I quickly put it on my robe then switch the lights on to see him.

"If you don't want to leave me, then don't leave me." It sounds clingy saying it out loud, but I don't want him to go.

"I have to Beth. I've already decided with my team, and-"

"So, I don't count? You made a decision that impacts me, without talking to me as well? Is that how it works? Is this what I should expect?"

He takes the brunt of my temper and gets off the bed. When he comes over, he draws me to him.