Mateless

23: What I'm Feeling

I'm sorry, don't leave me
I want you here with me
I know that your love is gone
I can't breathe,
I'm so weak
I know this isn't easy
Don't tell me your love is gone
That your love is gone.

~~~
Ryder's POV
"Alpha, someone is here to see you." I didn't look up from where I was buried in my paperwork.
"I am in no mood to see anyone." My voice sounded cold and hoarse. Probably from not talking in a while.
"Alpha, it's your mom." I didn't move. She was going to come in anyway. Sure enough, not long after the person had gone to deliver the message, heels clicked on the tiles as she made her way here. The door was rudely kicked open. I lifted my head and there stood my mother. But for the first time in a long time, a worried look rested on her features.
"My baby." She cooed and came over to me. She tried to wrap her arms around my shoulders but I shrugged her off.
"I'm fine, mom. I'm not a baby." She didn't seem to hear me because she dragged me out of my office. I didn't refuse her or oppose it mostly because I had no strength to. I let her drag me to the kitchen and make me sit down on one of the many stools. I watched as she fussed about the kitchen to prepare something for me. Her affection came as something unusual to me. My mother wasn't the type to openly show affection. To see her do something like this was totally unbelievable. Unless...........
"Mom, have you been rejected before?" She stopped short and the bowl in her hands fell to the floor with a loud thud.
"W-What?" I only stared blankly at her waiting for her to get the message. She soon recovered from her shock and spoke,
"Yes, I was rejected once." I raised my eyebrows and watched her pick up the bowl and dish soup into it.
Tht means Dad isn't her mate.
"Your Dad helped me get over it and we fell in love. But that's besides the point." She placed a bowl of steaming soup in front of me.
"You need an appetite, son. This will fetch just that." I fit in no mood to argue with her and in no mood to eat either but with the way her eyes stood watch over me, I knew I had to.

With her hawk eyes all over me, I slowly raised to spoon to my lips. The hot soup awakened my appetite just like she said it would. I finished the soup and couldn't help feeling that there was something inside the soup. However, I didn't get the opportunity to ask. Mom piled pancakes on my plate and watched me force down every bite. After that, she sat down with me in my room. It was obvious that she wanted to know why I was rejected. I wonder what happens when she finds out I wasn't.
"How dou you feel?" Mom asked.
"Numb." Was the only reply she got. She smiled brightly. Was being numb a good thing?

"That's wonderful. You've stopped feeling." I stated at her on confusion. Has she gone nuts?
"You will understand sooner or later." She paused and a serious look replaced her smile.
"How did it happen?" She asked and scooted closet to me. Surprisingly enough, I spilled my guts to her. And even told her I wasn't actually rejected. Just pushed away.

"Oh baby." She pulled me into her arms and let me stay there even though I wasn't crying. It didn't feel right though. Considering the fact that I was the Alpha of the most powerful pack in the world, Blue Moon Pack. But where did that get me with my mate? Nowhere. It wasn't that I didn't trust her. I did it for her safety. I couldn't sleep at night knowing that the same thing that happened to Aria could happen to her. I guess she misunderstood but it wasn't her fault. Perhaps it was my mistake for not telling her in the first place. I was hanging on probation before but now I am as good as rejected. Though I know she will never reject me. I ought to thank my stars for that.

I pulled away and stood up. Yes, that talk actually helped take the burden off my shoulders but I will never admit to that. Mom looked at me with a bewildered expression.

"Thanks for the talk. I have work to do." I left. As I walked through the halls, I felt the urge to shift. But I knew I couldn't. Any slight loss of control could lead to Ash running on a rampage to meet Alexandra and I couldn't let that happen. She needed space and after breaking her heart, it's the least I can do. Even if I have to see her with someone else.

"Yeah, after breaking her heart again." I groaned.
"I didn't mean to." A whimper left my mouth.
"But yet you did. Aren't those the same words you said to Brian? You are no different." I hung my head in shame. Yes, that was exactly what I said. At the time, I was naive. I blamed Brain for his shortcomings the same way my wolf was blaming me for mine now. A cloud of sadnesses overcame me and I realised that I had done the same thing as the person she loathed so much. And that doesn't make me any different from the person who rejected her without a second thought.

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Yo, my peeps. We are going higher!!!! Thank you all. It means a whole lot. Also if you are wondering how Ryder did the same thing as Brian. He pushed her away. He didn't consider her feelings.

Ryder is having it hard. Poor guy.
Anyways, updates are back to once a week until further notice.

Song: Love is Gone by Slander ft Dylan Matthew
July 9, 2023
Luna ❤️.