Shameless (Jalex Fanfic)

Chapter 19: Our Love Hit A Wall

Alex POV:

Jack was in the backstage room in his underwear arguing with Rian about something stupid that only they understood.

"NO DAWSON! I DO NOT THINK THAT'S A PROVEN FACT SO YOU CAN GET THE FACTS OR GO- Oh hi Alex," Jack cut off mid argument and smiled at me. I smiled back.

Rian scrunched his face up and looked at Jack, "I don't care what you say Barakat! It's a fact!"

"Yeah whatever," Jack said brushing off the argument, "What's up Alex?"

"Can we talk for a sec?" I asked Jack. His face was scared for a moment but he quickly recovered with a smile.

Rian rolled his eyes and got up to leave, "Guess that's my cue to go find Zack." He left, running down the hall shouting something about a lost bassist and a reward.

Jack looked at me hesitantly, "What's up?"

"Well I need you to not freak out when I tell you this okay?"

"You know I can't promise that because if I do freak out then you'll be mad, but you know I probably couldn't help it," he said shrugging.

"What?" I gave him a half smile, "Fine. Just please try not to freak out. That's the last thing we need right now."

He nodded, "Okay. I'll try."

"Alright so Will and I," he made a face but I ignored it, "were talking backstage and so then, heh, get this. He kisses me."

"I'm gonna kill him," he balled up his fists.

I put a hand on his chest, "Alright chill, you're in your underwear, Jack. But, I pushed him off, I promise. I wouldn't have told you if I didn't. I was like 'whoa man back up there you know Jack and I are a thing'. Then he tried to be a smart ass and-"

"I'm gonna fucking kill him."

"Please stop. People aren't supposed to know about us and if you go and beat the shit out of him for 'no reason' then you're gonna look like the douche. Unless of course you want to tell everyone..." I slipped in the last part.

"No," he muttered defeated.

"Goddamn it Jack, why not?"

"Because I just can't, Alex."

"You are ashamed of me," I whispered, head down.

He sighed, "I'm not."

"You are! Jack, I'm not going to be with you if you're ashamed to tell people we exist. We can't sneak forever and you know it," I was fighting back tears, "You have to tell someone or I will."

"You wouldn't. Alex if you tell it's over," Jack said, shocking the shit out of me, "I'm not ready."

I looked at him, eyes glistening with tears and pain, "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

He shook his head, "I'm not kidding."

"When will you be ready then? A month? A Year? On you're fucking death bed!?"

He frowned and sat on the couch, "I-, no. You just don't understand."

I sat next to him, "Make me understand."

"You won't," he whimpered.

"How do you know?"

"Please leave me alone."

"No..."

"Please go."

"Jack I-"

"Just fucking leave me alone!"

I looked at him but he refused to meet my eyes, "If I go, if you make me go, I'm not coming back. We're over. I'm done."

Those chocolate eyes wouldn't turn to meet my own. He didn't tell me to stay with him. He just sat there.

I stood up, tears openly flowing out now, "Fine. If that's what you want. I'll go. Sorry I wasted your fucking time."

I waited for a moment and when he didn't respond I ran out of the room and out of the building as fast as I could. I ran into Will on the way out.

"Hey show's cancelled. Stupid fucking speaker glitched out and none of it works," he said as I passed by.

"Really?" I turned to look at him.

He nodded, black hair flopping up and down, "Yup."

"So we have a night off?"

"Yes."

"Know any bars around here? We should go to a bar."

"Yeah, but wouldn't you rather go with your secret boyfriend?"

My heart beat faster, each time it threatened to burst out of my chest, "No. I want to get fucked up. I want to forget I ever loved a prick like Jack Barakat... You in?"

"Fuck yeah," Will said, "I'm not even gonna ask. Let's go." He slung an arm around my shoulder and we left.

—-

"One more!" I pushed another shot in Will's face, "Last one, I promise!"

"You said that three shots ago," he slurred, "C'mon we should go."

"I'm not fuckin' goin' back to that bus. Nope, no way in hell. Fuck. That."

"Then let's get a hotel or some shit." Will helped me out of the bar and down the street to a shitty little motel. I'd drank a hell of a lot more than he did. That was okay, given he didn't want or need to rid himself of memories of an ex-boyfriend.

That stung.

"Room 25, 26, here 27," Will said pulling me into the room. The room smelled like cigarettes and sweat. There was one bed, "Shit there was supposed to be two beds."

I shrugged, "Doesn't matter. I was gonna do this anyways." I pushed Will onto the bed and climbed on top of him. I leaned my head down and connected our lips for a sloppy drunken kiss.

He eagerly responded by moving his hands along my body, but not in the way Jack used to. Jack was always tender about it. Nothing Will did said tender or loving. I didn't hold it against him though. We were both trashed.

Drunken sex was never my favorite thing, in the morning you regretted it and I knew that, but it did get my mind of one particular asshole so I was content. At least for now.

What the fuck else was I supposed to do with my life?

A/N: SORRY PLS DON'T HATE MEEE :/

Vote and comment telling me how much you hate me rn and maybe what you think will happen next? I'd love to hear your ideas :DDD

You may hate me but I still love you <3 Stick with me guys.

Until next time,

-H