BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2017

Chapter 15- Leaving?

"The person isn't pleading guilty? There's no chance of a deal behind the scenes? Weren't they caught red-handed?" I say interrupting her, trying so hard not to lose it.

"From what I gather, this person would probably be labeled an incel. You know, very angry at the world, at women, I don't think he necessarily sees what he's done as bad... maybe he will agree to a deal, we can talk to the lawyers about that, but I haven't gotten to the worse part," she says, giving me a sad look.

"Seriously," I turn to her, water in my eyes as I blinked ferociously to get rid of it.

"They found that he'd published some of the videos onto the dark web," she said, moving closer to me almost as if expecting me to react physically to this news.

I just froze. I felt the nail tech tap my hand for me to change it with the hand currently under the machine, but I didn't move.

"Sorry, give me second," I said, unsure about how to process this information.

"Now he never named you and the video is very grainy," Yoona said, trying to salvage the situation, "all he said was idol and celebrity. And of course, the police have deleted it".

I didn't respond. It was hard to process that those videos of me, videos of me changing and in my most vulnerable moments were out on the dark web somewhere. Some sick people watching me, probably for pleasure. I gagged. I felt like I was going to throw up. And on top of everything, realistically, I couldn't press charges. Not only for my own dignity, but that of the group.

I switched my hands and let the tech finish my nails. I wanted to go shower as soon as possible. I just felt so dirty, so used.

"Y/N?" Yoona said hesitantly, probably a bit surprised by my quiet reaction.

"We obviously can't press charges," I state, steadying my breathing as I rolled my eyes a couple of times to not cry.

"I mean if that's what you want," Yoona says, stroking my back reassuringly, but instead it just made me tense up, "we'll back you up if you do want to press charges".

"No, I can't" I say again deadpanned, looking at my nails getting their final clear layer, "We'll just bury this. All the copies have been taken and the videos online deleted. Pressing charges will just bring negative attention".

"Are you sure?" Yoona says concerned.

No, I wasn't. I wanted that sick f*ck punished. I wanted him to rot in hell. But as I had learned over the past few years, and especially with the last trial, my life wasn't truly my own. It affected the boys, the company, ARMY, and wider society. And on top of all of that, I was still recovering from the trial and Daeseong's manipulation. I wasn't ready to face another man's inability to understand the rights and agency of women on such a public stage.

"Yes," I said with so much confidence I surprised myself, "it's better this way".