Moving On (Destiel)

68: Author's notes

You don't have to read this (yup, everyone immediately off), and I don't care if you do, 'cause these are mainly some of my personal thoughts on this story (not all, obviously, but a sum-up), but I would indeed appreciate it if you dropped a vote or a comment or anything, just let me know if you liked this story?

How did you like my writing? Too boring, humor to dry? Not enough humor? Did I portray the grief well or was everything over-done and dumb? (yeah that last particular question means a lot to me). Did I seem like I knew what I was talking about, or just making stuff up and describing things inaccurately?

Feedback doesn't have to be long or detailed, I'd just die for anything that could help me improve my writing.

Or, yk, even "loved your writing style" or "loved the story" would be cool. Not exactly real feedback, but it would definitely make my day.

Oki doki, thank you <333

Now, to my thoughts on the story:

I can't even begin to explain this. Really, I can't, for one because there is too much, and two because I'm at a loss of words.

If you're waiting for me to say thank you, dear readers!, then I'm afraid you will have to wait another chapter, for acknowledgments. This is me saying thank you to all the characters. To Cas, Dean, Gabe, Sammy, and all the others. To Jody, Charlie, Balthazar, Benny, Kevin, Garth, Rufus, Meg. Honorable mentions to those that I wanted to, but couldn't really bring in (just didn't fit in context, and believe me, hurt me more than you), but were still part of the story: Bobby, Luci, Chuck (for book characters always have this absent parent kjskksjs. Don't want to rationalize that, but for this story's sake it was... convenient, to say). With that, you're also a part of me ;) Even Z&A as the bad guys, and Jess who didn't really contribute much, you were still important as every story needs those characters. If this was a show, your actors would be appreciated for the work as well, so I won't leave you out here, either. Yeah, Azazel, I'm looking at you, too. 

No, but really, this story means a lot to me. Not only is it my first Destiel fanfiction and my first fanfiction overall, but it's also one of the only two writing projects I ever got around to finish, and man, am I glad about that. It's not that I wanted an out – I love all my babies, and this book has been a part of my life for so long (a little over a year that is) that I'm definitely going to miss it, but now that it's finished I do not have to feel guilty over turning my attention to other projects as well, or instead. Since, if I'm being absolutely honest, there have been times I was uncertain whether I'd ever finish this.

In the beginning, I was head over heels for this, but last fall, when I stopped reading fics, I kind of also stopped writing. I hate writing multiple stories at once, so when I get into a slump because my interest for one is fading, I won't go to another one. I was mainly reading other books at the time, and then, school *shivers*. Then I eventually started up writing again, having gotten a new, excellent idea for an original story, and abandoned this fic for quite a while. Even though the biggest gaps between updates were one month at most (I think?) the real gaps could have been much bigger, because I pre-wrote a lot and was therefore able to update even though I hadn't been writing at all.

Then, occasionally, I'd force myself to continue because I didn't WANT to abandon this, not when the idea for this fic is actually based of its ending, and I had been looking forward for so long to write THIS ONE TRAGIC ENDING, and then wouldn't get to it? Even though I was so close? This has happened to me so many times that I feared it would happen again. I always get really fucking close before the big fight/drop/whatever, and then I neglect it. Every time.

Not this time.

That's why some chapters might feel dragged out, or with less emotion, or just overall badly written. In those phases I was probably both very unmotivated in writing terms AND super stressed out because school. Sorry for that.

But if you held on for this long, I hope the ending was worth it. Ahem.

Should I have given a warning after "The night belongs to the two of them only" that anybody who wanted a happy ending should just stop right there? No? Yeah, that's what I thought too. If you're along for the ride, you're along for the ride. No backing out. Supernatural-lifestyle.

We're just designed like that. Free will, what the fuck is that? No, we're all the same.

Anyway.

I had so much in mind, regarding this chapter. Now it's all just sort of... puff. I guess in the end it all really comes down to how even though this is a fanfiction, I know Dean and Cas are not exactly like the Dean and Cas from the show, and I think that's okay. Because this is my story, and I'm proud of it, I'm proud of them for holding on for so long. They're MY Dean and Cas, and they have been with me for quite long, they have helped me through some stuff, 'cause whenever I felt bad, I'd sit down and spend time with them (metaphorically, ofc. Ofc I don't think them as actual living people. I'm having a healthy relationship with my characters, alright?). I, on the other hand, dedicated many, many hours of my life to putting them through it, and even though it might not seem like it, they had me, too. I swear every time I ruined their lives a little more, I suffered as well. I'm not all cruel and evil. Just a little sadistic, is all.

And that's why, yes, I'll fucking miss them, I'll fucking miss THIS. Because I think that even though I do have a Destiel obsession that oh, lord, I don't think will fade in the foreseeable future, writing this has also showed me I like me my own original stories better. I don't know why, but I think I'll leave the fanfiction up to others and only occasionally read it, when I'm in the mood, or on my period. Otherwise, I want to write my own stuff, with a little more freedom. That includes I can break off a couple without hating myself for it. I can't do that with Destiel. Not with my babies. Not them, no.

To break them up, someone has to die. It's just like that, 'cause nothing else seems strong enough to break them apart.

I'm drifting off yet again (normal case with Destiel, just saying). I don't think I'll write more fanfiction and therefore will leave a lot of potential fics (for which I even have whole stories as long as this one out-planned ff's) unused, but I don't regret writing this, or the time I took. It was a great ride, and I'm happy about anyone who did it with me. You're awesome.

Now, comments are welcome, but I don't want to pressure or anything... Love you all, byee