Being a Valkyrie is not easy [Honkai Impact FF]

24. Doubts

~Yuki POV~

After I asked the question, there was a tense silence between me and Kalpas. ,,How the hell did you come up with that?!" Kalpas asked loudly and I flinched. I shook my head slightly. ,,Forget what I said..." I mumbled and turned to leave. However, I was roughly held by my wrist. ,,Spit it out. Who put such crap in your head?" Kalpas asked angrily and pulled me back. Unsurely, I turned my head to him. ,,It was on the mission," I answered quietly. ,,What happened?" Kalpas demanded to know. ,,I don't know exactly. Raven and I arrived at my old orphanage. Although it was destroyed, the laboratory underneath was still intact and in use. Raven and I snuck in, but were discovered. When the researchers saw me, fear was suddenly in their eyes and they called me a monster. They also said that I was here for revenge, but I didn't even know these people. After that, everything happened so fast, we were surrounded and tried to run away. I admit I used my Herrscher powers to protect us, but I didn't hurt anyone,'' I explained and started shaking again.

Kalpas stared at me and the temperature seemed to rise again. ,,Did you tell anyone else about this?" Kalpas asked dangerously calmly. I shook my head. ,,No. If I had told Mei or Elysia, they would have said immediately that it was not true. That's why I asked you. You are direct and have no reason to lie.'' I replied before continuing. ,,So tell me. Am I a bad person just because I am a Herrscher? You can be honest.'' Kalpas said nothing but stared at me. At least I thought so, you couldn't really see it through the mask. ,,You..." Kalpas started and I was getting nervous. ,,...you are not a bad person. Don't let yourself be talked into such crap!" Kalpas continued. Surprised, I nodded. Somehow it was strange that Kalpas talked to me like that. ,,Thank you for being honest. I was already prepared to hear something negative from you,'' I smiled. Kalpas finally let go of my wrist and crossed his arms. ,,You give too much to the opinion of others. No wonder you are so weak," Kalpas said suddenly.

,,I know. I'm already trying to suppress the fact that I'm focusing too much on other people's opinions about me. But it's not so easy, because I don't know anything about myself. I am just an orphan who lost her home and friends. In addition, I have lived 10 years isolated from the world. Then I found a new home which I also lost. And through many hardships I am here now. So you can really say my life is chaotic,'' I explained and sat down on the edge of the flower box that was standing around and buried my face in my hands. ,,What happened to your second home?" asked Kalpas. I sighed and began to tell how I came to St. Freya and all that had happened. The fight with the Schicksal HQ, Arc City, etc. ,,St. Freya still exists, but so much has happened. I always thought we could go back to the old times but that is no longer possible," I said bitterly.

,,In truth, I don't know what I'm doing at all. I just try to keep up with the others and fail miserably. When Kiana and I faced Kevin, all I did was try to take the hit from Kevin instead going for Kiana. Sometimes I can still feel the heat from his stupid sword,'' I continued. ,,Stop it!" Kalpas suddenly grumbled. ,,With what? Telling the truth? It's true, isn't it? As you said, I am weak!" I asked, annoyed. ,,Doubting yourself doesn't make it better! I lost my home too. More than once! Still I went on and fought an endless battle!" Kalpas shouted and I flinched. 'Maybe I went a little too far...' I thought, startled.

,,Sorry, I didn't know,'' I said softly, gaining Kalpa's attention. ,,... I know this place exists for you to share your experiences to give us an advantage against the Honkai. So far Mei had explained it to me. Still, it felt wrong for me to just look at your memories like that," I continued, looking at my hands. ,,Stop apologizing all the time!" said Kalpas annoyed. ,,Okay.... Instead of apologizing all the time, I should thank you again. I was told that you protected me when I was a child. I hope I didn't do anything wrong,'' I replied. ,,You didn't. I didn't let Mobius near you and there was always someone near you," Kalpas said briefly. ,,Thank you,'' I replied with a smile. Now that I had gotten rid of everything that was on my mind, I really felt better.

.

.

Kalpas and I talked to each other for a while. Or rather, I talked. Kalpas asked questions from time to time and answered. I noticed that he was actually a good listener and also friendly by his standards. When the sun went down, I realized how long I had been gone. ,,I'd better get back to Mei and Elysia, or they'll start worrying again,'' I said, and got up. Kalpas only gave an displeased grumble. ,,But thanks for listening. By the way, even though the others have known you much longer, I can clearly say that you are not a bad person either. You just have your own way of showing your own feelings," I continued and turned to leave. But once again I was held by my wrist and pulled back. At first I thought Kalpas was going to say something else, but to my surprise I was pressed against his chest and his arms went around me.

I thought sitting next to him was already warm, but being in his embrace was almost like being in an oven. Still, it was comfortable and I felt safe. I hesitantly put my arms around Kalpas as well. 'Elysia and Mei can wait a little while longer...' I thought, as I was just enjoying the embrace too much.