Labyrinth

Countdown - Day 2

I couldn't sleep again. The whole night I'd spend fighting with myself. Fighting about why I wasn't strong enough.

And then the thought of running away came to me.

No, I couldn't run away from my problems. I had to face them.

Today I decided, I would NOT see Father. I didn't want to see that man. I prepared to spend all my day at the library today.
No matter what, I wasn't going to let anyone control me today.

I left home early morning and headed straight for the books.

I had wore the simplest dress I found to avoid any sort of attention.

I walked in the open town, it took a few minutes to reach the library on foot, I would read novels and calm my mind and then think about what to do.
It was fine, I was going to be fine-

"Rosemarie?" I froze as someone called my name. I knew that voice. I knew it all too well.

I turned around and saw him, Noah.

I didn't even think I'd run into him.

"It really is you!" he said approaching me, I backed away.

No. Just no. I didn't have the time and energy to deal with him right now. What the hell did he want? After everything he did to me, he had the guts to approach me?

He stopped awkwardly, "Ah, I didn't mean to surprise you...I just wanted to say sorry for rejecting you the-"

"Please stop. I think you made it quite clear that you don't have such feelings for me." I didn't want to listen to his bullshit, I didn't want to hear anything from him.

"No...Rosemarie, I...I wanted to say that, I actually HAVE feelings for you..." he said hesitating.

What?

"I heard that you were called to the palace recently...what was it about?" oh.

So that's what it's about. He doesn't have feelings for me, no, he wants to use me again. Do I look like a fool? You expect me to believe you after what I'd heard in the ball?

I wanted to laugh. Only fools could fall for this.

"Noah. I know how you made a bet on me falling for you, was a silver coin not enough that you're trying to aim for a gold coin now?"

He turned pale, "Wha, what are you talking about Rosemarie? You're wrong. I genuinely like you!"

I laughed. I had really been a fool, falling for a fox like him.

"I don't. And I'd advice you to stay away from me." I turned around to walk away when he grabbed my hand.

"Wait! Rosemarie, I am not done talking with you!"

"Well I'm done, let go of my hand!" he dare touch me?

I didn't have my knife with me, I'd forgotten to grab it when I hurriedly left home today.

"Rose, please give me a chance to-"

I freed my hand from his grip as I pulled back away from him. He was a weak man.

I turned around and ran away from him. Standing there would have made a scene. I ran mindlessly.

-

I'd run and forgotten that I was headed for the library. Instead I was by the Lake, at my mother's grave again.

Being born the only child, to take over the Duchess title without a mother and an absent father almost my whole life. Taking classes after classes to be worthy of the title. Living my life until now sorely for the purpose of taking over the family legacy. Always, always being not good enough.

Fuck the Patriarchy.

"I'm so tired mother." I say as I choked back tears.

Don't only think about yourself, Rosemarie.

I never did. I NEVER DID!

"I only ever did what father wished for me to do so why? Why is he never happy? Why can't I be happy? Why can't I marry whoever I want to marry. Why can't I be loved? Just why..." I dropped down on my knees.

"I'm not fine at all. I feel like a puppet everyday. I feel incapable, miserable, I'm tired, so tired of always playing the emotionless role of the Lady!" I yelled.

Nothing was going to chance by me crying. Not a thing would change. And that's why I won't cry.

"Father doesn't care a bit about me mom. He wants me gone for good. I have never felt this powerless and weak. Even the Crown Prince thinks he can control me however he wants...."

How could they all be so cruel.

"How could I ever be the empress, mother? What would you have done if you were in my place? I...I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I don't even know if it's the right path... I'm so lost...I'm so-"

I couldn't speak. My throat was dry.

What a pathetic life.

A life where I had a very little choice and no free will of my own.

-

I stayed with mother till the sunset and till the night was dark.

I'd spent all the time letting my thoughts out, as if mother was listening.

I was tired and wanted to go home and just lay on the bed.

When I walked myself home everyone looked worried.

"Lady Rosemarie, where had you been?" Layla asked.

"I was just at the library, I'm sorry for being late." I lied.

Father didn't bother to ask me anything, as expected.

I had a bath and straight away went to sleep. I didn't know if I would be able to sleep tonight considering tomorrow would be a long day. But I closed my eyes anyway and soon enough fell asleep.