Vegas Pete - A Mafia Romance (Completed)

Macau Tay - Chapter 18: Part 1

The next morning after I'd showered and dressed, I enjoyed my new found freedom, even if it was small. Macau had kept his promise and stashed the ankle monitor in a drawer. I didn't have to wear that stupid thing, at least for now. I doubted Macau would still keep his promise if I tried to run again. We'd both lost our bets and yet we both felt like winners. Life with Macau was an enigma. He was already leaning against the kitchen counter, drinking coffee when I came out of the bedroom. His smile was so smug I had trouble stopping myself from wringing his neck. I grabbed a cup for myself, then leaned across from him. "Do you ever feel regret or guilt?" Macau's eyebrows climbed his forehead. "Regret?" "Yes, you know that feeling normal people have when they've done something wrong?" I took a sip. I wasn't even sure why I was asking, except to wipe that annoying smugness off Macau's face. For a long time Macau only looked at me until I couldn't stand it anymore and pretended my coffee was really interesting. Why did I suddenly feel guilty for asking that question? "There's little time for guilt and regret in my life," Macau said. His voice was quiet and devoid of humor; I couldn't help but look up, trying to gauge his mood, but as usual he was making it difficult. "So you do feel it sometimes?" "Occasionally. But I've learned a long time ago that it's not clever to dwell on the past. I prefer to focus on the future." With that, his usual charm was switched back on. He strode toward me, set his cup down on the counter, and braced his arms beside me. "Do you ever regret running?" I opened my mouth to say 'no' but for some reason I hesitated.

 That moment of hesitation was all the answer Macau needed. "Why?" "Because it got someone killed," I said quietly. I'd managed to forget Sid and his horrible end, but now it all came back. I could have kicked Macau for bringing the memory back. Especially because I'd come to realize that the life I'd run from wasn't as horrible as I'd wanted it to be. Macau's expression said he didn't give a fuck about that, and it was pretty much what I'd expected. "I can tell you without a doubt that I don't feel guilt over that guy's death," he murmured. He ran a hand down my side. "I would have killed every guy that touched you. But we both know I don't have to because despite plenty of opportunity you were a good boy." The way he said 'good boy' made my blood boil. I was still trying to come up with a clever comeback when the elevator rang, announcing a visitor. Macau pecked the tip of my nose with a superior expression before staggering off toward the elevator. I couldn't believe him. I was still glaring at his back when the elevator doors slid open and Pete walked into the apartment. He was talking on the phone. To my surprise Macau moved into the elevator, leaving us alone. I suspected he could lock the elevator from the outside, so I couldn't leave unless I took a dive out of the window and ended up as a blood splatter on the side walkdown below. "Who are you talking to?" I asked as Pete headed toward me. He gave me a bright smile and held the phone out to me. "Lily and Fabi want to talk to you but Father forbid them from calling you, so..." He trailed off. 

Of course, I'd suspected something like that. Father had made it pretty clear that he didn't want me around them anymore. "Thanks," I mouthed to Pete before taking the phone from him and pressing it against my ear. "Lily?" My voice was shaky and I had to clear my throat. "Oh, Tay! I was so sad when Father didn't let me say goodbye to you. I've been begging him to let me talk to you but he got really mad and now I'm grounded." Grounded had always felt like a strange term for our punishment. We had never been allowed to go anywhere alone anyway, so being grounded only meant that we had to stay in the house even more. "I'm sorry," I said, trying to keep my anger for our father back. Lily still had to live under his rule. She didn't need to get in trouble because of me. I walked over to the living area and sank down on the sofa. Pete perched on the edge beside me. "How's school?" I asked. "Boring. But at home is even worse. Since you and Pete moved out, nothing fun ever happens anymore," Lily murmured. My heart ached for her. I'd always had Lily, and for a long time Pete, but Lily would have to survive for years without that kind of support. Of course she still had Fabi but he would soon face very different challenges. "What about Fabi?" "He's being a pain in the ass," Lily said. In the background I could hear my brother say something. "You are!" Lily retorted. "Oh shut up. It's my turn now. You can talk to her later." There was the sound of grappling and then there was Fabi's voice in my ear. "Tay!" "Shhh, you fathead," Lily hissed, obviously taking the phone back. "Nobody can know that we're talking to him." For a moment there was silence as if they were both listening for sounds, then Lily spoke again. 

"Is Nop there with you?" I laughed. "That's why you're calling? I thought you wanted to see how I was doing," I said in a mock hurt voice. "Of course I want to know how you're doing." "I'm fine." There was a pause. Deciding to stop torturing her, I added. "And Nop isn't here." I glanced at Pete and he whispered 'upstairs'. "He's at Pete's place, discussing important mob business with our husbands." Sarcasm dripped from the words. "Do you want me to go upstairs and ask him to talk to you?" "No!" Lily blurted. "He'll think I'm in love with him." "Aren't you?" Silence. Poor Lily, I didn't have the heart to tell her that there was no chance in hell that Father would ever allow an alliance between my sister and a mere soldier, especially one from Bangkok. Love just wasn't something that mattered. "How do I know if I'm in love?" Lily whispered after a while. Yes, how? I hadn't been in love with Sid or anyone else. I wasn't in love with Macau. Right? "I don't know," I admitted. "Aren't you in love with Macau?" "Why would you think I was? I ran away, remember?" "But you're married now." "Marriage doesn't equal love." "It did for Pete," Lily said. My eyes darted to Pete who was frowning at me. "You're right. Maybe you should ask him then." Before Lily could say another word, I handed the phone to Pete. "Lily wants to know how it feels to be in love." Pete took the phone from me, his eyes full of concern. He listened to Lily for a moment before he said, "That's hard to put into words. Love is when you feel safe in someone's arms, when he's the first thing you want to see in the morning, love is surrendering. You risk getting hurt but you don't care. You are willing to give someone the power to break your heart. Love means seeing someone at their worst and still seeing the good in them, love means someone is perfect for you despite their imperfections." He grew quiet, eyes distant.

I didn't have to ask; I knew about whom he was thinking. I swallowed hard. I could have never said what Pete had just said. Unwantedly an image of Macau's cocky grin flashed in my mind. I'd definitely seen him at his worst that day he'd tortured the Russians. "But how do I know when I'm in love?" I heard Lily's whine through the phone. Yes, how? "It's a gradual process. I don't really know when exactly I started loving Vegas. For a long time I thought I hated him." I pushed to my feet, suddenly restless. This wasn't a topic I felt comfortable with. It made my chest feel tight, made me start to panic in an odd way. I hurried into the kitchen and made myself another cup of coffee. After a couple of sips, I returned to Pete who gave me a questioning look. I raised my cup as a way of explanation. "Here," he said, handing the phone back to me. "So what else is new?" I asked lightly. I could practically hear Lily roll her eyes. "Are you going to come to our Christmas party?" I opened my mouth to say yes, because I'd always been there, then I realized I probably wasn't wanted anymore. "I don't know. Things are difficult at the moment." "You mean Father doesn't want you to come." "The only reason I would want to come are you and Fabi. I don't care about anyone else. And maybe you and Fabi can come visit Bangkok in the New Year." Lily was silent. "Father said he won't ever allow us to go to Bangkok again after what you did." That shouldn't have shocked me as much as it did, I suppose. Of course he wouldn't let Lily out of his sight. He couldn't risk another one of his children turning into a slut.

"We'll figure something out. I'll ask Macau if we're going to Chiang Mai." Facing Father again was the last thing I wanted to do. For all I cared I would never set foot on Chiang Mai ground again, but the idea of never seeing Fabi and Lily again was even worse. "Promise?" "I promise," I said. "Now give me Fabi before Father realizes you're talking to me and not Pete." "Hi," came Fabi's voice. "I bet you've grown another two inches since I last saw you." "When I grow up I'll be at least 6 feet tall," he said proudly. "6 feet 4 at least. You'll probably be taller than Vegas." "That would be so cool. I could kick everyone's ass. Everybody would have to be nice to me and respect me." I smiled wistfully. Soon enough people would do that anyway. The cute boy would be replaced by a ruthless killer. "That would be cool," I agreed. "I miss you." "I miss you too." We hung up and I handed the phone back to Pete. "Are you okay?" he asked. I nodded half-heartedly. "The party is next weekend, right?" "Yeah." "I guess I'm not invited?" Pete grimaced. "Even Vegas and I aren't sure if we should be going." "Why?" "Things are really bad right now. Vegas has enough trouble in Bangkok. And he doesn't want to deal with Dante or Father in addition to that." "Fabi and Lily will be really sad if you don't come to visit." "I know," Pete said with a sigh, leaning against the backrest. "That's what I've been telling Vegas. I even suggested I could fly over alone with Nop, so Vegas could take care of business here." "Let me guess. He hated that idea." Pete laughed. "Yeah. He doesn't trust the Outfit and won't let me go there without him." "I kind of have to agree with him. I wish we could go together though." "Maybe next year. Father can hardly stay mad at you forever." "Father will still be mad at me when he's roasting in hell."