Freak Like Me - Katya Zamo

Part Twenty One: All I Need To Hear

You looked at him for a second, not really knowing how to deal with the frustration and hurt of him saying no to something you treasured so much. Your emotions had been at bay the whole night, but now you'd reached your breaking point. Your eyes started watering and tears threatened to fall as your gaze moved from Brian's face to the ceiling.

"(Y/N)?" He seemed taken aback at first by your reaction. However, you couldn't care less about it. You sit on the bed, your back facing him. The tears rolled free from your eyes as you quietly sobbed. "(Y/N), what's wrong?" He asked worriedly, sitting and moving to your side.

You didn't want to cry in front of him, you realised that the barrier you'd built made it all that much difficult. The room somehow felt as if it was shrieking, you felt trapped in the situation. All you wanted was to get out of it, and so you did. You stood up and started walking to the kitchen. You knew he would be following you, but you needed to feel like you had some control over the situation.

"Talk to me" Brian said from the hallway. You grabbed a glass of water, calming your nerves but only slightly. You turned around, facing him as he leaned against the kitchen counter, not sure if you wanted him to touch you.

"Why can't you stay? Have you changed your mind about us?" You wiped your tears, your voice breaking as the words left your mouth. You didn't feel good, you felt weak and now something felt off. A wave of pain went through you, which forced you to rest your arms on the sink as you leaned against it for support.

"What? Of course n- (Y/N), are you okay?" Brian rushed to your side, looking as worried as he did when you found out about the pregnancy. And you were okay, you weren't feeling any pain, it happened so quickly that you were still registering it.

"I'm fine, Brian. Really, it was nothing" You smiled a little, trying to make your statement look believable.

"Are you sure? Make sure everything's really okay, though" He said serious and you nodded. The mood in the room had changed drastically. You found impressive to see how your priorities had changed so much lately.

"Can you tell me why you're not staying?" You asked him once again, you had to know.

"Because I'm travelling tomorrow" He finally answered and you were honestly surprised by it.

"Oh... How long will you be gone for?"

"One week. Listen, I was gonna talk to you about it, ask you if I should really go, but as you know... talking to you hadn't been much easy" He answers truthfully, biting his lip as he finished saying his last words. You understand his point.

"And where exactly would you be going?" You ask, curiously.

"Mexico. I'm actually going on a retreat" He told you, but no sharing too much, yet.

"Is that the one where people do Ayahuasca in the middle of nowhere, Brian?" Your eyes widen, thinking the idea is a bit insane.

"Kinda, part of it is. There's also meditation and a strict diet. They say it's good for addicts, can be really helpful if you're recovering" He added, but for some reason you felt a little off about it.

"... Bri, have you been having thoughts lately?" You ask, trying not to show how much the mere though of it tormented you. "Be honest with me".

"I-I, listen, those last couple of months weren't really easy on both of us. So, yes, maybe I've fallen into some old pattern of thoughts, but I promise you I haven't done anything. Those were simply intrusive thoughts. I'd never do something like that to worry you and affect our baby, okay? That's why I thought the retreat would be a good idea, almost like a new beginning in a way. I want to be my best self to you." He admits, making your heart ache with so much love for him. You pause, giving it some thought as he apprehensively stood in front of you.