Freak Like Me - Katya Zamo

Part Nineteen: Lost On You

It wasn't a surprise that he'd ask you that, you knew that would happen some time. Still, you felt the air leave your lungs for a second, you wanted to run again, except this time, you had nowhere to go. Answering him was the only thing left, and he deserved it. You breathed in, resting your head on your knees and choosing where'd you start from.

"I-... Honestly? I couldn't tell you why exactly and that already shows you how I've been doing lately. You know that I was head over heels for you since day one and when we actually became a thing I became over cautious about anything in our relationship. Afraid that I'd do something that would fuck our relationship up. Funny thing is, I was doing exactly what I was afraid of. I wanted to tell you when I was bothered or scared, I really did, Bri, but whenever I'd see you, it's almost as if every bad thing left my mind as soon as I entered your house and nothing else mattered anymore. That was until I started to crumble under the weight of my own anxiety and could never bring myself to tell you anything and, of course, started blaming myself for letting small things get to me. So, all I could do was run from you and expect you to always be ready for me to come back, which is such an asshole thing to do. I don't know how you went through it without barely showing any signs of anger or even annoyance, but that just shows how much of a fucking angel you are" You sigh, relieved that you got rid of at least half of the things occupying your mind, Brian listened to you intently, his eyes never leaving you.

"I'm not even close to be an angel, (Y/N), trust me. I did all of that because I love you, it's as simple as that. We take it for granted, sometimes it slips and we don't even realise the weight of those words, but that's all it's ever been. Love." Brian stood up before sitting on the floor, taking your hand and sitting by your side.

"Do you think that maybe we took things to the next level quicker than we should've? I've wondered that way too many times"

"I mean, we're both really impulsive people and that certainly didn't help us. At the same time though, how much longer do you think we could've gone with just casual sex? Because when we tried to do that, things blew up through the air and we had to admit our feelings for each other. I guess the problem really was the lack of communication... y'know, I wish I could understand the toil of expectations in your mind"

"It's really just a mess, B. Not even I can comprehend" You smile a little.

"About the pregnancy..."

"Now onto the pregnancy..." You chuckled, once again figuring what you're gonna say. "Right after our break, I started feeling really shitty, so I just assumed I had a cold or something. Then it started to feel suspicious, I felt nauseous for most of the days. They call it morning sickness but that's a goddamn lie, it lasts all day long. Also, my period was late, but that's not unusual for me so that made me take the tests later than I probably should've taken. And the rest, you know well enough" Brian looked deep in thought before looking back at you.

"Palm Springs then?"

"What?" You furrow your brows.

"When you know... we conceived" Brian tries to contain a smile from breaking but you two end up cracking yourselves up. You had to stop and catch your breath before even saying anything.

"I'm not sure, baby. You pulled out... Oh God, are we really discussing that? Look what happened to us, Brian" You said pointing at you two, laughing.

"Oh, I know" He says in the Maureen voice, making the situation even funnier. "After the photoshoot, that particularly rough session. And you know what makes it even greater? I was in drag" He gives you a smug smile.

"I mean, you did prove your point that night. More than you should've now" Brian starts smiling as if he was plotting something.

"Just say it"