Our Nanny is a Boy || bxb

53. Stay-at-home dad

He soon lost track of time, kept adding layers until his hands felt all tingly and he had to put down his brush because he couldn't hold it steady anymore.

'Looks good,' he then heard someone behind him say. He turned around quickly and saw Larry, who was crouching to get a better look at the painting.

'Oh, thank you,' he said with a polite smile. 'It's a hobby of mine.'

'You have a talent for it.'

'Thanks,' Robin said again, rubbing his hands against each other. 'Oh, are your hands cold?' Larry asked. 'Wait, give me your left hand.'

'Oh, okay.' Robin hesitantly offered Larry his hand. The latter took it in both of his and rubbed every finger individually. It worked very well, Robin soon felt blood returning to his hands again. Larry's hands were warm, he had probably come from inside.

'My grandpa taught me this method,' he explained. 'It works, doesn't it?'

Robin nodded. 'Thanks.'

'Now your right hand,' Larry said when he was done. As he was massaging that one, Robin looked at his hands. He had nice, big ones, perfect for ranchwork. Peter's hands were not as big, but he had long fingers, which Robin found very attractive. Wait, why was he thinking of Peter all of a sudden, that was totally irrelevant.

'In an hour or so, I'm going to move the cows to another pasture,' Larry said, looking up at him. 'Would you like to go with me?'

'For real?' Robin had seen it yesterday, Peter had taken Felicia with him on the horse - he looked really handsome while riding a horse, wait, that was irrelevant too - and they were gone for quite some time, but when they returned, Felicia had been extremely excited and told Robin all about it. It seemed really fun.

He smiled. 'Yeah, why not?'

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There was just one problem: Robin had no idea how to ride a horse.

'Ah, I forgot to think of that,' Larry said, rubbing the back of his neck. 'I can teach you, but the sun will set in an hour, so we really need to go now. Um... you know, I'll teach you some other time. Let's take the ATV for now.'

He got the ATV from the barn and Robin sat behind him, holding on to his sides awkwardly.

'That won't do,' Larry chuckled. He took Robin's hands and pulled them further around his waist, causing Robin to be pressed onto him. 'Now hang on tight, I'm going full-speed.'

Robin did as he said and Larry stepped on the gas. At first, Robin was very tense, holding onto Larry tightly, but after a while he got used to the speed and relaxed a bit. The icy wind pulled at his hair and clothes. It was refreshing and felt somewhat good as well. He loosened his grip on Larry and looked around, at the landscape sliding past them. The cows were quite far away.

'Do you want to try?' Larry asked after a while, slowing down. 'It's a straight path, good for practice.'

'Oh, can I?' Robin felt quite excited to try. Larry stopped completely and got off. 'Of course!'

Robin moved forward and held onto th steering wheel. Larry swung his leg over the ATV and sat behind him now, wrapping his left arm around Robin's waist. He pointed out how everything worked and then wrapped his other arm around Robin's waist as well. 'Give it a shot.'

'Okay,' Robin took a deep breath and stepped on the gas. A little careful at first, but after a while he got the hang of it and sped up.

'Oh, you're good!' Larry said.

Robin smiled. It felt really good. The wind was even stronger now that Larry wasn't blocking most of it and he felt really relaxed right now.

After a little while at the same speed, Larry suddenly said: 'There's something I've been curious about for a while now.'

'What is it?' Robin asked.

'If you don't mind me asking, what exactly is your relationship with Peter? You're not just his live-in-nanny, are you?'

'Well, we're close friends,' Robin said. 'But that's it.'

'I see. So it's true that you two sleep in the same bed?'

Robin accidentally sped up and instinctively let go of the handle immediately. 'Oh, I'm sorry, my hand slipped,' he quickly apologized. They were standing still now anyway, so he turned so that he could face Larry. 'Just sometimes. We both have trouble sleeping, being together helps us.'

'That's sweet,' Larry commented.

Robin didn't know how to respond to that, so he looked around and said: 'We're almost there, should we switch?'

'If you want to,' Larry said, getting off. 'So you don't like Peter in that way at all?'

Robin shook his head, sitting in the rear again.

'Good,' Larry said with a smile. Before Robin could figure out what that was supposed to mean, Larry sat in front of him again. 'Let's go get those cows.'

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Oh well, let me just give you all a small update on my life, as it's been very long since I wrote in this. I'm currently in university, studying medicine. It's time-consuming, but I still have time for my hobby. I still haven't published the book I finished because I don't know, it's kinda scary, you know? I feel like I still have so much to learn, and it's quite controversial. You're probably wondering in which book I am writing right now. It's one of my older Dutch books which I improved. It's in diary style and is quite a big project, probably a series of eight books, I finished two this year and am currently working on the third one. So that's one of the reasons I haven't updated a lot.

And I have some very good news: I moved out! As some of y'all may know, I come from a very toxic christian environment and I struggled a lot with it because of my gender identity. But I found my own apartment in the Hague, on the 15th floor, with a splendid view (picture at the beginning of the chapter) and now I'm finally free to be myself. I cut my hair short and dyed it red too, and I just feel so free! Also nice to not have to travel 4-5 hours anymore to get to uni every day.

Third update: I have a new crush. I hate it though. I really like writing about love because it always works out. But with this dude, I already know it will never work out because he's straight. I wish there was just a simple way to get rid off your feelings, like with a power button. Power off, stupid feelings. But sadly, I have no control over my heart. I keep being hyperfixated on him and yearning for him. I think it's getting a bit less lately, but it's still annoying. I'd really like to be able to fall asleep within an hour again without my thoughts racing to a thousand different, impossibly cursed scenarios. Yep, that's me. Afraid to love. Kind of relate to Robin sometimes. Except I don't lie to myself.

Fourth update: I'm going to Cavetown's concert today aahhasjwjsdggejwhbsa

I just discovered the dude literally dropped a whole album today. I guess I'll have to learn them all last minute haha