12 AM Thoughts || Original Midnight Poetry

i hate it here

I hate it here
I hate the idea of getting high
I hate the fact that all my friends do.
I find it hard to explain all the reasons why
I find it difficult for anyone to take me seriously
Because all they ever hear is my emotion, not my logic.
And even then
A true friend would stop a habit
They'd stop something knowing it emotionally damaged their friend,
But I guess that logic goes for everything
Everything in the world,
Accept for what gets them high.
I'm terrified out of my mind,
But it's "all good fun" while giving me a high-five,
Unable to stick to a healthy schedule
Because young dependence on the fly.
I hate it here.
I hate the way my brain thinks,
I wish it could convert to their way of thinking,
And believe that getting high was fun and alive
Instead of wishing I could die
Just to get away from their high.

I hate it here.
I feel like a dictator,
Despite my words never coming clean,
I feel like a dictator,
Despite never sending words of mean,
I feel like a dictator,
When it's only my brain, not my mouth
I feel like a dictator,
When all around me seems to go south.

I hate it here.
And they only look at the trauma.
Not the actual dangers for themselves
But the trauma of me
To scapegoat my uncomfortability.

I hate it here.
I wish I didn't have to exist in choice.
I wish I had the courage to use my voice
Without being scared I'll lose them.