Before You | 18+ | ✓

44: marley

"But it can also lead to happiness. Anything important worth having takes work. Love isn't meant to be perfect." I insist, trying to keep myself from crying because I don't understand why my dad can't see what JJ means to me. "I know he messed up really bad. I know JJ hurt you and Mom, but if Mom can let it go and somehow manage to be there for him, then why can't you? JJ is the one thing I have chosen for myself. The one thing. I am fine with taking over the company, I'm fine with my major being business, and I am fine with everything else that comes along with it. But I am not fine with you asking me to leave him when he needs me most. I choose him. He is the one thing Dad. I will do anything you ask of me, just please let me have him." I plead, wearing my heart on my sleeve for once in my life.

I blink quickly, tearing myself from the memory. My fingernails are chewed to stubs that are on the verge of bleeding. Thinking about that conversation stresses me out.

Dad didn't press me any further on leaving JJ, but he also said nothing about how I feel about the company. So I've just kept my head down and tried to get through everything the best I can.

I only have one more week before JJ is out of rehab and it's been decided that he's going to move in with Mirabelle and Henry who rented a place out here till the end of the semester.

It will be better for him than going back to the house he lived in with Trent, Luka, and Asher.

I hear the distant sounds of our front door opening and closing signaling that Bria is home from track practice. She's been throwing herself headfirst into it, no doubt trying to cope with the loss.

She's been leaning on Harriet heavily which I can understand because I'm the first to admit that I will advocate for JJ and his actions until I'm blue in the face. It's not what she needs, but I can't sit there and let her blame JJ to make her feel better when it won't bring Asher back.

It's not what he would have wanted.

I know Harriet doesn't blame JJ and I've heard her speak up for him, but it's different than hearing it from me I suppose.

I push myself up from the desk, deciding that I'm going to check on Bria and see how she's doing. She's in the kitchen making a protein drink, her back to me.

"Hey," I greet quickly and her head turns quickly.

"Oh, hi. What's up?" Bria asks, and I want to cringe at the tension filling the air. I hate how strained our friendship is right now.

"Uh, you know, just avoiding my homework for my entrepreneurship class." I say, hating how awkward I sound.

"Cool. Well I better let you get back to it. It's gotta get done sometime." She shrugs and starts to head towards her room.

"Actually I was hoping we could talk? If you have the time I mean..." The words are spilling out of my mouth before I can stop them. Bria freezes in her footsteps and I hold my breath. I need to fix this. She's my best friend and she's family.

She looks skeptical when she makes eye contact with me. "What is there to talk about?"

"B, come on. We can't keep tiptoeing around each other."

"I'm not tiptoeing."

Great, now she's getting defensive. I really suck at this whole feelings thing.

"Okay. You're not tiptoeing, but I am. I don't want to say the wrong thing, but B, I need my best friend. I want us to get back to how we used to be and I can't fix us without your help." I ramble, trying to lay down a white flag.

Bria nods and twists her dark hair around her finger absently. "I want us to do that too, but I need time. I understand why you're still with JJ. He's probably the love of your life. He's my friend and I love him too. But right now, I hate him. It's confusing because I don't want to blame him, but I need something to hold to a fault as to why Ash is gone. I just need some time to work through all of this and not think of what could have been because I'm never going to get to find out."

It takes me a minute to process everything that she's saying, but when I do, I can understand it. "I hear what you're saying and I can respect needing some time. If you don't want him here, I won't bring him here. Just please don't shut me out. I am here for you too."

"I know. Thank you. I just...maybe you shouldn't bring him here for a bit." Bria says hesitantly and I nod.

"Of course." I smile reassuringly at her.

Bria smiles back and is walking through her door when she pauses. "Hey Mar?"

"Yeah?"

"I know he needs you right now and that I need you right now, but make sure that you're taking time for yourself. You can't be everything for everyone. I noticed you haven't been writing or playing the last couple of weeks."

I'm honestly a little surprised she's noticed. If it weren't for my guitar propped up in the corner of my room, I think I would have forgotten that I haven't been playing.

"I've just been busy." I try to weakly defend myself, but while it might be true, it's an excuse. I'm avoiding how I'm feeling about everything because putting it into a song makes it real. I'm not ready to deal with real yet.

"Okay," She says simply, not arguing with me before disappearing into her room. I suppose I should go back to mine and finish my dreadful homework.

I settle down in my chair, taking a quick glance at my guitar before turning back towards my computer. Turning my brain off, I come up with the simplest idea I can for a company because it's better not to let my mind wonder about what might be.

Words fill the document and if I'm being honest, I don't think I remember a single word I type before turning it in. It's mindless for me.

I rub my temples to get rid of the headache I can feel coming when my phone dings with a notification. It's only pure curiosity that brings me to check it and I'm confused to see a text with a link from my Uncle Dean.

Dean: Incase you haven't heard, you have choices.

What on earth is he talking about?

I click the link and it brings me to an article published by the New Yorker Times.

Billionaire mogul and CEO of Benson Pharmaceuticals, Hayes Benson, stepped down from his position in the company moments ago at a press conference. It had long been rumored that the daughter of Hayes and Sephine Benson was being groomed to take over the company much like Mr. Benson took over for his father, but in this shocking turn of events, it has been left to the previous CFO, Maddox Benson. Mr. Benson stated that he will maintain a role in the company by staying on as a board member through this transition, and that he still will be a majority shareholder.

My jaw drops and I feel tears fill my eyes before I can finish the article. I have choices. I can do what I want. I don't have to run the company.

I don't know how or why this happened, but I can't deny that it has taken a huge weight off of my shoulders.

I have choices.