Before You | 18+ | ✓

30: marley

I should be happy to be back in New York, but I'm not.

The events of last week have continued replaying in my mind and I can't seem to shake the similarity between how I found my mom all those years ago and how Harry found JJ. But then I just feel silly because I know they're two different people with different issues. Mom is an addict. It's not something she can help, but I know it's something she works very hard at.

JJ just has a lot going on with his family and he took it too far that night. But that's all it was. One bad night out of how many countless good ones. I can't hold it against him.

Looking out at the city lights from the view in my bedroom, I wish JJ was here with me.

"I know I told you I would go with you for Thanksgiving, but I need to go home and talk to my family in person. I can't tell them over the phone that Bailey is on the streets." JJ says, wringing his hands nervously.

Disappointment washes over me, but I understand. "It's okay. Do what you need to do. I'll be okay." I say, reaching for his hand.

"Can we reschedule for a visit during Christmas? I promise I want to meet everyone and see where you've grown up, but I need a raincheck." He says, his green eyes a faded moss color today. I worry that all this stress is sucking the life out of him.

"Absolutely. That's a better time of year anyway. We can go for a carriage ride in the snow in Central Park, and go with my Uncle Dean to watch the sun rise from the Empire State Building. He isn't coming for Thanksgiving and I think you'd like him a lot." I say, smiling fondly as I think of my favorite uncle. I know I'm not supposed to have favorites, but he's the only one of my family members who isn't involved in the family business. He escaped and I've always looked up to him for it.

"That sounds perfect," JJ smiles, already on board with the picture I have in my head.

Too bad I still have a couple of days before I get to see him again. I have a blanket wrapped around my shoulders, but I'm still cold.

The temperature change was a shock to my system and I know it's going to be hard to adjust to going back to California after this.

There's a knock on my door and I turn to see who it is, smiling when I see it's my mom. "Hey, what are you up to?"

I shrug, "Just enjoying the view."

"Can I join you?"

"You don't have to ask Mom," I say, smiling at her.

She grabs a blanket from my basket and joins me on the windowsill. "I don't think I've sat with you here since Kaden broke your guitar. It's a lil more cramped since then." Mom says with a short laugh.

I shift, pulling my knees closer to me, "I think you might be right."

"You seem like you have a lot on your mind. I'm surprised you're not playing your guitar." She says, observing correctly.

I hesitate, carefully trying to gather my thoughts because I don't know how to ask what I want to ask.

"Marley, it's okay. Whatever it is."

"Um so I had a question. Something that's been on my mind the last week or so, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to." I say, turning to look back out the window. "I wanted to ask you about being an addict if that's okay?"

Mom's eyes widen as she's clearly not expecting this to be my question. "I um...yes, of course you can ask." Oh my god. This was a mistake. I shouldn't have asked her. I could have lied and said it was about something else. I'm getting ready to take my question back when she speaks again. "I'm sorry, you caught me off guard. I've always known that this day would come. Your dad and I gave you and Kaden a very brief rundown of my history with drugs so I'm not surprised you have questions. Ask whatever you want and I'll tell you anything."