Before You | 18+ | ✓

41: jj

My mouth is really dry. I need water. My eyes are super heavy. Why are they so hard to open right now?

Voices. Beeping.

All of it comes crashing back. The call with Bailey, arguing with Asher, meeting with the drug dealer, Asher taking the pill, crashing the car. Asher—no. That's not real.

I force my eyes open, my entire body sore and hard to move. The first thing I see is Marley standing in the corner of the room talking quietly with her parents. Sitting in the chair next to me is Mirabelle and Henry in the other one.

She lifts her head slowly, wiping her eyes as they open. "JJ?" She questions as if she's unsure that I'm really in front of her.

"Water," I croak out and she nods, understanding. She offers me a water bottle from her bag and I take it gingerly as I lift it up to my lips. "Thank you."

I look back at Marley to see her staring at me, her eyes rimmed in red and then my gaze shifts to her mom. If looks could kill, I'd be dead by Hayes Benson's stare.

They all know.

"Where's Asher?" I ask Marley when she steps next to me. I imagined it. It was just one horrible dream.

However, when her eyes well up with tears, I know that it's true. I killed my best friend when I had every opportunity to say no. "He's gone."

"No." I whisper, pain filling my chest as my head starts to throb. "He can't be."

Mirabelle reaches to grip my hand tightly in support. "I'm so sorry."

"No no no. He's here. He has to be." I pull away from Mirabelle, pushing off the blankets to find myself in a hospital gown. I slide out of the bed before anyone can stop me, pulling out my IV in the process. I look in the windows of the room next to me, but it's some old guy. After that, I look for my best friend's name.

But I don't find it.

He can't be gone. This is all my fault.

I feel a hand brush my shoulder and then Marley is standing in front of me, her cheeks damp. "It's my fault Mar. I took him there and let him take it. I told him not to, but he did anyway. None of this would have happened if I had just stopped."

She wraps her arms around me tightly as I bury my face in the crook of her neck, sobs escaping me. My world feels like it's collapsing. "JJ," Marley starts to say and I pull back, cupping her face in my hands.

"I need help. I-I'm not okay and I can't, I can't lose you too. Please don't leave me," I say and Marley blinks, breathing uneven as she tries to compose herself.

"I'm not leaving you. You're sick and you need help. I'm going to be right next to you the entire time. You're going to get better." She reassures me and I shake my head. I have to tell her.

"Your mom. They were mine. "

Marley smiles ruefully. "I know. I'm not going to lie, I'm not happy about it, but it happened. It's over. We'll get past it."

"Ash...I killed him Mar." I say, struggling to say his name. "I killed my best friend."

She rests her hands on my arms, drawing my attention back to her face before I spiral. "He went with you because he loves you. He would want you to get better."

Except we both know the truth. It's my fault. I have to learn to live with that ugly truth.

"I need help." I say, shutting my eyes to hide from the disappointed look I know I'll rightfully receive. "I'm an addict."