Before You | 18+ | ✓

39: jj

trigger warning: drug abuse

"Slow down or you're going to crash," Asher warns from where he sits in the seat next to me.

The only thought on my mind right now is how long before my next high. It will block out everything. All my feelings will fade away into bliss and I won't have to worry about how I'm never going to talk to my brother again.

"Hello?" I say, shutting Marley's front door behind me. "Bailey?"

"Hi," He says, his voice quiet. It's the first time we've spoken since our argument about him living on the streets. I hate that he's calling today. I hate that he calls me. I hate all of this.

"I didn't know if I'd hear from you again." At least I'm being honest.

"You won't."

The words send an ice cold chill through my veins. "What are you talking about?"

"This isn't fair to you for me to keep calling. I just wanted to say goodbye. I wanted to tell you that I love you." Bailey says before sniffling and I shake my head.

"B, no. It's okay that you call. This isn't goodbye. I'm always going to be here for you."

"You shouldn't be okay with this and you certainly shouldn't be there for me. I ruined everything. Tell our parents..." Bailey trails off and my heart leaps into my throat. "Tell them that I love them and it wasn't their fault. I was wrong and I didn't want to admit it."

"Bailey, don't you fucking dare hang up this phone. Come home. It's okay." I plead, tears burning in my eyes.

"It's not. Too much has happened. Thanks for being a great brother. I love you." He says, his voice becoming thick with emotion. No no no!

"Bailey please-" I'm cut off by the end of the call.

I drag my hands through my hair, feeling like my heart has just been ripped out of my chest. I take it back. I don't hate that he calls me. I don't hate any of this.

My feet carry me down the stairs and to my car until I'm peeling out of the parking lot.

Why did he have to say goodbye? I don't care if he stays gone. I just want him to call me one more time so I can finally convince him to stay home.

"JJ, fucking look at me!" Asher yells, trying to break through to me.

I feel numb. Nothing matters except getting rid of this ache inside me. I need more drugs and it's Asher's fault.

My hands are shaking as I pull the last pill out of the bag when Asher walks in my room without knocking. He zeroes in on what's in my hand and I shove it in my mouth quickly, but Asher grabs my face, squeezing tightly so I can't swallow.

"Spit it out." He commands, as I refuse.

And then he pries my mouth open as I try to throw him off of me. The only problem is that I've been losing weight faster than I can eat because of how much I run and he has more muscle than I currently do. "Spit the fucking pill out." Asher says, shoving his fingers in my mouth. It's disgusting and I hate it, but I take advantage of my mouth being open as I try to swallow first.

Except I choke and he manages to get it free as I cough violently, tears pricking my eyes. He crushes it under his foot, mashing it into my rug as I throw myself on the ground, trying to pick the tiny particles up with my shaking hands. "What did you do!" I yell at him as he looks at me in horror.