Before You | 18+ | ✓

07: marley

My fingers strum over the guitar strings as I play the same melody again as I try to put words to it in my head.

I shake my head, looking at the notebook sitting open on the bed next to me. The page is blank and has been for a couple of weeks now. All I have started for this new song is the melody.

A knock on my door startles me and Bria pokes her head in. "Mar, you know I love you but if I hear you play that same thing one more time, I might kill you."

"I'm stuck." I say as if that should explain everything.

She gives me a look, "And I'm tired so I would like to take a nap."

"Sorry B, my bad."

She pauses and opens the door further to step in. "Is everything okay?" Bria asks, crossing her arms over her chest as she moves to sit next to me on the bed.

I shrug and strum over the string again. "Yeah, I guess."

"What's on your mind?"

Everything. Nothing. JJ. Trent. Home.

"I honestly don't even know. I think that's why I'm struggling to put lyrics to the music and am accidentally driving you crazy in the process."

"I'll sleep when I'm dead. Maybe talking about what you don't know will help you figure it out." She suggests but I feel like if I say it, then it makes it real. Bria must see my hesitation still because she takes a pretty damn good guess about why I'm saying nothing. "It's JJ, isn't it? That's what you don't know."

"We're friends," I say weakly.

"Is that what you want?"

"I'm with Trent."

Bria shrugs, "So? People break up all the time. Do you want to be with Trent?"

I hug my guitar tightly, "Yes. I like him a lot."

"I've heard you talk more about JJ since you saw him again than I've heard you talk about Trent. I'm honestly a little shocked you're still dating Trent after the way I saw you look at JJ when you realized it was him." She says bluntly.

"I was just surprised," I try to defend and I know she doesn't buy it for a moment.

"You were starstruck."

"How else was I supposed to be after seeing the boy I love for the first time in a year and a half when I didn't think I'd ever see him again?" The words slip out of my mouth before I can stop them and Bria looks at me triumphantly.

"Exactly. You love him even after all that time based on one day and you've been with Trent for four months and still can't say that you love him."

It hurts to hear. I don't want to hurt Trent because I do care about him. I'm pretty sure his mother is already planning our wedding. "I'm not going to say I love him if I don't."

"JJ still loves you."

I shiver thinking of how he looked at me that morning in the kitchen when he told me that he does believe there are people who are meant to be together. How tender his touch was when he brushed his thumb over my cheek before pulling away. I didn't want him to, but it's not fair of me to tell JJ that.

"Bria, I'm with Trent."

"So you keep saying," She says and I let out an exasperated sigh.

"I thought you liked him? It kinda feels like you're telling me to break up with him."

She shakes her head, "No. I'm not telling you to do anything. I do like Trent and I think he's a nice guy. It just feels like you're trying to convince yourself that you like him."