Better Choices (bwwm)

F O R T Y F I V E

"It's not about if you think I'm beautiful the problem is I don't feel beautiful. I don't like waking up every morning in my body. I don't like looking at myself. I don't like getting undressed in front of you or wearing something tight in front of you because I hate the way I look. I don't feel good about myself and It's so hard to wake up every day and-" But she cuts herself off with more sobs.

I give her a second to get it together before she speaks again.

"I feel like my hair is falling out in clumps. My anxiety is worse and worse especially when I'm too far away from the babies. I'm not losing any weight I just feel like every day I'm gaining more. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't think. I want to feel good about myself. I want to feel like the old me but I just can't." She takes deep breaths through each sentence.

Listening to her even breaks my heart. The woman who I think is the most beautiful, sexist person on the planet can't even look at herself in the mirror.

I just want to make her feel good. I hate when I can't do anything to change how she's feeling. I just want to help her and make it all go away.

"I love you" I kiss her lips before going to stand up and pulling her to stand up with me.

"I love you too" She looks at me through the mirror.

This may be a bit of a leap but I'm still doing it because I have to.

"You know what my mom used to do with me when I was younger?" I ask and she shakes her head.

"Every morning before I had something important going on she would say affirmations with me and she's been doing it since I was 5" I smile at her and I know she's fighting off a smile too.

"So saying that to say I wanna do it with you and maybe when our babies get older we can do it with them too" I interlock my hands into her's and she nods.

"I don't think I'm up for it through" She picks at her thighs.

"We'll just do one or two" I offer and she nods.

"Okay uhh let's see" I hum.

"I am smart" I smile at her and she just rolls her eyes.

"I am smart" She repeats after me.

"I have the best pussy on the planet" I'm obviously throwing that in there to make her smile and it works because she's laughing.

"I have the best pussy on the planet" She repeats smiling and it does reach her eyes.

"I'm beautiful" I look directly at her and she stops smiling.

"Ivy I'm not letting you shower till you say it" I raise my brows.

"I am beautiful" She repeats and it makes me smile, even if she's struggling to believe it.

"I can't hear you" I rub my hands down her curves.

"I am beautiful" She repeats louder.

"So fucking beautiful" I whisper kissing down her neck.

"Alex" She whimpers when I start sucking on her neck.

"It's been almost eight weeks. Your doctor said it's okay" I lick a long stripe up her neck knowing that she knows exactly what I'm referring to.

"Yeah but I just don't think I'm ready for you to see me like that just yet" She whispers and I nod.

"Whenever you're ready I'll be waiting" I kiss down her neck some more before finally leaving her be.

Hopefully, that helped. I just miss my fiancée. I miss the woman that would force me to keep running even if I am tired right before the finish line.

I miss the woman that would yell at me when I contemplate giving up on myself. I know she's not feeling the best but I will do anything in my power to make her feel good before the new year.

I'll do whatever I can.

The next day it's the same thing, the same affirmations. Along with the rest of the week until we're at Christmas eve eve.

I went shopping for Ivy to give her an early Christmas gift disregarding the ones I already got her.

Later today we're having a family dinner so there's going to be all four of our families in one room.

It's at my father's home since he has the space and it's gonna be Ivy's mom and Iris. My dad and mom and well that's it since I don't have a sister anymore.

There's Ki, her mom and dad then there's Sasha and his dad. Not really the entire family but the parents.

However I don't need to worry about that now, I want to focus on Ivy.

I'm sitting on the bed waiting for her to come out of the shower so I could surprise her.

I went lingerie shopping by myself and it was terrifying. The workers kept hitting on me even the male workers and I just wanted to find the right cup size.

When she steps out she looks at me somewhat startled before relaxing a little.

"Hi" She looks at me wide-eyed.

"Hey, I got you something" I smile handing her the bag.

She eyes the bag before taking out the lavender-colored set.

It's a lace thong with a matching bra she just looks at me with furrowed brows, almost confused.

"Put it on" I smile and she automatically shakes her head.

"Oh no, I can't do that Id look bad. It wouldn't look the same as-" But I cut her off.

"Stop talking and put it on" I urge and she just groans going into the bathroom to try it on.

I think I made a good choice, I know she likes purple but I just hope she likes it in general.

When she steps out I swear my dick twitches. I've never wanted a woman to sit on my face so badly.

She's just the most stunning woman I've ever seen.

"You like it?" I ask and she shrugs.

"It's pretty-" That's all I need to hear before cutting her off.

"Wear it under your dress" I offer and she looks in the mirror tilting her head.

"You really think I'll look good in it?" She looks at me.

"Nobody's seeing this but me and I think you look like a milf so put the dress on before we never end up leaving" She just smiles slightly before going to go get the dress hanging up.

I think she's getting a little more comfortable with me seeing her which eases me. I'm trying to take it slow with her and it seems to be working.

I just want her to love herself the way that I love her.

Once we leave we head out on our way to my dad's place with the twins in the back cooing around.

Ever since they started cooing and gurgling they haven't stopped.

Ivy looks like she's dreading this considering she's still not speaking to Iris or her mom.

Me, however, I'm just here for the food.

A/N: another dinner, that's so fun! and some of y'all tryna get me to write and Sasha, Kimani, Ivy, Alex foursome.. hm..