Better Choices (bwwm)

F O R T Y F O U R

"So are you gonna tell me how you've actually been feeling or are you gonna keep lying and saying fine?" I chose to ask since she looks like she's feeling better.

"Well I'm actually f-" but she's cut off by noise coming from downstairs.

We, of course, put Soleil back in her crib and follow it from curiosity and when we make it downstairs we're met with Ivy's mom and Iris.

"Sorry we didn't want to scare you" Her mom closes the door and brings in her several bags.

"I knew you didn't want people around the babies when they were first born so me and Iris waited for a little and we bought some baby stuff" Her mom drops the bags.

"Thank you with Bella and the other two we were running out" Ivy widens her eyes before hugging both her mom and sister.

"How are you feeling, I know childbirth isn't easy" Her mom grabs the bags beginning to unbox them.

"Fine" Ivy mumbles turning away and opening the fridge but then she closes it back not bothering to take anything out.

"That's great, I was gonna bring Iyanna but she wanted to stay with Andrew" That's a good thing then, that means that Drew and Iyanna are getting along better. I can bet that Drew is excited about being a dad.

"Oh that's fine, I still don't want so many people around them anyways so it was probably for the best" Ivy shrugs while sitting in the kitchen

"We bought you some banana pudding, and Jerk chicken" Iris starts to pull out food.

"It's fine I'm not hungry" Ivy looks away from the food and she just rests her hands on her eyes.

Iris looks at her for a second before turning away, that look of concern is evident.

"Okay well, It'll be in the fridge if you need it. I got food because I figured Iris would be hungry after her meet" Her mom smiles but Ivy just furrows her brows.

"I was really surprised with how sharp
she was especially considering-" But Ivy cuts her off.

"You're competing again?" She crosses her arms.

"No, I just wanted to get back in the gym just to get back in shape" Iris brushes it off subtly but Ivy just looks upset, almost offended.

"Well she looked reallll good, It was just like old t-" But Ivy stands up in the middle of Malia's sentence.

"I'm gonna go check on the twins" She turns away and heads up the stairs. This is why I'm so convinced that she isn't fine. Someone who's fine won't just storm away mid-conversation.

Soon after Ivy leaves Iris follows behind her and Malia looks at me.

"What? What's happening?" She looks genuinely confused but when we both hear muffled commotion her and I both rush upstairs.

I V Y

I missed Iris a lot but I didn't miss this. I didn't miss feeling like the odd one out.

Ivy gets an honorary award and is also the first black woman to do so and I don't even get a congratulations text but Iris decides she doesn't want to be lazy and she decides to get in the gym and now it's all wow she's so amazing.

I'm jealous, if that's not already obvious. I'm very fucking jealous. But then again it's not even jealousy. It's frustration.

I missed Iris so much but when she was gone I felt mentally free. I felt like I didn't have to try as hard. I was acknowledged. I felt wanted.

Before she passed I think I was so used to it not being noticed I didn't mind it. However, once I started to feel the attention I didn't want it to stop.