Lost Love [H.S]

sixty three

14 July 2021

"I can tell you want to go, take the girls and spend the day with Niall, you'll have fun." Addie encourages me, sitting up in bed as she watches me get dressed for the day.

Niall invited me out to play golf, told me to bring the girls with me but obviously Addie can't come because she's on bedrest which makes me incredibly nervous.

I'll only be twenty minutes away but it's still worrying me that something could happen and I won't be here with her when she needs me the most.

She's been having false contractions every now and again which still never fails to confuse me. I've researched them a lot since she had the first one last week and I think I'm educated enough now to know what I'm doing.

When she goes into labour I worry that I won't be good, that I won't be able to comfort and soothe her the way my mum and Niall did when she was giving birth to Capri. Addie has assured me that she'd have me there over anyone no matter what, she wants me beside her.

It's scary to think about having to watch her push a human being out of her body but I just need to learn how I can support her the best because she's the one who has to push him out.

She repacks her hospital bag every night because she's so worried that she'll forget something. I told her if she did then someone would bring it to the hospital for her, that it's not the end of the world.

We also sorted her birth plan if things go our way, which they most likely won't due to the complications with her placenta.

She wants a natural birth, to potentially have 'gas and air' which apparently takes the edge off of the pain but doesn't do the same thing as an epidural which she is completely sure she doesn't want.

She wants to be able to move around as much as possible, potentially having a water birth if she finds herself more comfortable in water than on the bed. There's a chance for a c-section which I thought Addie would be nervous about but she's pretty open to it if it's necessary.

I'm proud of her for being so sure of what she wants, she won't let anyone tell her to change her plans unless it's necessary for her or our son's health.

"What if you need me?" I question, zipping my blue trousers up before turning to look at her with a bowl of cherries resting on her bare bump.

She smiles, "then I'll text you and you'll come home, you aren't going far and Gemma said she'd come and hang out with me."

I walk over, sitting myself on the bed and stealing a cherry out of her bowl. "Are you sure?"

She smacks my hand for stealing one of her cherries, "I'm sure, it would be nice to have a break from you and the girls, to relax." A cheeky smile appears on her face and I roll my eyes, to be fair she probably could do with some quiet. "I like your outfit, you're very colourful today."